The next song was PUPPET.
This was the song that she had co-wrote with him. It was very personal to her and her therapist told her that her making the decision to share it was a big step in the right direction. It made her a bit nervous for everyone to listen to it but she wasn't necessarily freaking out. She just didn't want everyone to ask questions. As it played in the background, her leg hopped up and down.
"What do you need?
Do you need bread? Do you need this?
Do you need a hug? Do you need to be alone?" Tyler rapped on the song.
One thing that the relationship made her was needy. She constantly asked questions in order to not mess anything up. She constantly wanted validation and in all honestly, it was Nate's doing. He yelled at her so much to the point where she had to ask to do something before she did it. It was a self conscious thing. She eventually got out of the habit once they broke up and Nate went to jail.
"I do not have self control
I am startin' to wonder
Is this my free will or yours?
(Yours, yours, yours)
I'm your puppet
You control me
I'm your puppet
I don't know me."
She was Nate's puppet. He did whatever he wanted to and she had no say. Selene nervously pinched her arm, her nails leaving small red marks in her arm. She didn't even realize how dark the lyrics that she wrote were until she heard it produced.
The main reason she had taken a break from her own music was because she had wrote and produced most of it during a very dark time. It was all mostly overwhelming for her. She would come back now with an EP but she was helping Harry with his album and that was her main priority at the moment.
Once the song was over, she stood up, alerting Tyler. "I'll be back," she quietly said as she exited out of the studio.
As she walked to the bathroom, she looked at her and had red circles due to her constantly pinching it. She sighed and opened the door to the bathroom. She had told herself she wasn't going to fucking cry today. Her hands softly shook as she looked in the mirror at herself. Inside she was still the torn 19 year old she was years ago. Her lips quavered as her head fell down. She felt pathetic. She closed her eyes as tears fell, the woman frantically trying to wipe them. Her throat felt heavy as she tried not to cry. She just want to claw at her body for even feeling like this again. She turned on the faucet, the sound of running water drowning everything out.
Her back hit the wall and she slid down it. This was not happening. Her hazel eyes looked up at the bright ceiling light in hopes to stop the creeping attack that was waiting to happen.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6," she counted, her voice weary. She breathed heavily, his chest rising up and down rigidly. She was doing so well and songs that she wrote herself triggered her again? She was disappointed in herself if she was honest. She knew she couldn't help it and yet somehow, she always made it her fault.
"7, 8, 9-" her voice cracked, the woman pushing her legs up in comfort. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and text the first person she thought of. She struggled to even text words that were correct as her hands shook.
sunflower
hsrry pls pixk me u up i can't
Harry had text back in less than twenty seconds.
thirty six
Start from the beginning
