// PAUSED \\ goghfk (jfk x van gogh// Clone High )

how to love

Van moved his hands to cover his face as he squeeled kicking his legs.

"I KNOW HE WILL MOST LIKLEY NEVER LIKE ME BACK BUT THE THOUGHT OF IT BEING A POSSIBILTY!!!!" van squeeled ending an exited giggle.

Van had never dated anyone before and yea sure he had had crushes but none took away hid abolity to speak like this one, he was just afraid that his secret crush would get out, with his past crushes they were minor, people that van coulf see himself with in the future but never simped over or lost words over like this crush for jfk. his past crushes had beem easy tk hide, all he had to do was figjt a smile and hode a little bit of blush but, if just hearing jfk's voice made him this flustered and at a loss of words, seeing him in person and being with him would be a total mess and hard to hide. After the incident, van has stepped out of the shadows a bit, not his choice obviously but, it happened none yhe less and now many people notice him when he's walking through the halls and people try to talk to him in class. It's never about art, or how his day was or anything, they always just want to either make fun of him from what he said on the call or ask if still hates Gandhi.
     Van hated all this attention and, if he was getting all this attention, couldn't they atleast ask him about his day or something  but, no, deep down no one Acually cared about van or what he enjoyed. They only  cared about what happened on that one night.
     Van sat up and took a deep sigh
     "Not a clue how imma ask this boy out, but i gotta learn how to be a good boy friend if i do, he'll probably say no........but i gotta be ready if he dosnt!" Van mumbles to him self with more optimism in his voice than he had ever expressed before.
    Needing to be the "perfect" boyfriend for jfk, van went to do some research, on the slightest chance that van would, A, have the courage to ask him out and, B, he would say yes, van needed to be ready to be the best darn boyfriend he could be.
     Van started off by sliding into his desk chair, flipping open his lapton and going to google to look shit up. He wasn't exactly sure what to look up, or any of that so he just started basic and broad with, "how to be a good boyfriend". Most of the sesrch results were how to be a good boyfriend in a straight relationship but, how difrent could a straight relationship be from a gay one?
     Van clicked on every last link he found under this search, watch many videos on this topic to, he was overly determined to be the best he could be for, jfk was the best and he deserved the best.
     "I-I know I'm not the best, far from it, maybe even...the worst...... and even though jfk desirves so much better than me and what i can offer but, I'll try and give him all i can" van smiled with a sliver of hope in his voice, god he wanted this boy so bad

So, so, very bad

     Van got back to his research, not sure if it would help much but, he was willing to try anything to be the best for jfk, normally he wouldn't give two flying fucks about if he was the best or not, he came to the realization at a young age that he'll never the total best, there will always be someone out there better than him but to just enjoy what he is doing and not worry about your rank. Of course, he still woried, alot, but, it was mainly about how others percieved him, not how good he was at something. This time was difrent though, he needed to be the absolute best, the, best, because if he was going to be with the most popular boy in the entirety clone high, he needed to be the best
    Van gogh kept researching getting more specific every time, how to be a great highschool boyfriend, how to be a great boyfriend in a gay relationship, how to be the best boyfriend you can be in a young gay relationship and many other searches.
     The night was creeping tk an end but did van care, no, his head was stuck in this clouds, over confident that he would win this boy over. As the night fell and the sun began to rise van was still sitting at his little desk on his laptop looking up ways to make your boyfriend happy. Van was yawning like he had been up for weeks on end but he refused to let his body fall asleep until his research was complete.
     Van soon heard his mother's door creek open, she had gotten up, he should probably go to bed. Van shut down his laptop and crawled into bed and curled up in a fetal position underneath his stary blanket cuddling his little sharky sutffed animal and shut his eyes to try and sleep.  As soon as his eyes shut he fell asleep, the poor guy was so exhausted from crying and the anxiety of being on the call and, of course, being up all night.