Disturbance

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There was a loud clamor above when I stepped into the apartment. But I couldn't go upstairs to investigate immediately because, standing, in front of me, there was a three foot toad in suspenders and a hat. You'd think he lived on a lily pad rather than in an apartment in New York City with the way he looked. "Toad," I warned, "Glamour." It would be disastrous if a mundy, a human in the mundane world, saw him. At least I didn't walk around as a giant wolf in New York City. I used a Glamour to make myself appear human, as did all the other Fables that didn't already.
He spun around to face me. "Bigby! You gave me a fright. You know how expensive it is to keep an entire family in Glamour. I stay inside, so what's the problem? I just came out to see what the ruckus was about."
"If someone sees you, there's a lot more than money you'll have to worry about. I'll give you a free pass this time. Get a Glamour tomorrow. Whatever it costs, it's worth it. If you can't look human, you're going to the farm." I sighed. This conversation had replayed itself more than once before. "So what's going on up there?" I pointed at the ceiling as there was a loud shattering of glass. "Is that what you called about?"
A girls voice angrily called out, "Stop! You're drunk again!"
I rushed up the stairs and banged on the apartment door that was the source of the chaos. When nobody answered, I opened it.
The girl spun backwards as she was slapped. "Whoa! Whoa! Hey!" I slammed him against the wall, pinning his arms above him. "What's going on here?" I demanded.
The girl spat blood at his face. One of her eyes was blackened, and her cropped black hair was knotted. She had a purple ribbon tied around her neck.
He shoved me away from him. "Stay out of this before I give you the axe again." The Woodsman and I had a long history together. He was one of the few men that had encountered me and lived to tell the tale. He was the bald-headed hero to Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother. But to me, he was a drunken nuisance.
He brought his arm back to punch me, but I dodged it. I landed my fist under his beard, at his throat. A knife whizzed past my ear. I dodged his zigzagging slices. He pushed me aside and went for his larger weapon of choice--his infamous axe. He swung and missed, lodging it in the wooden floor. I grabbed it from him and rammed the butt of it into his jaw.
I turned to the girl who was watching casually. "You should probably get out of here."
"I'm not leaving until he gives me the money he owes me."
The Woodsman grunted, "You're not fed din' shid, bidtch!" Apparently that last blow gave him a lisp. "You broket mah jaw!"
"Why was he hitting you?"
The girl looked up from the pocket mirror she was using to inspect her bruised eye. "He asked if I recognized him. I said I didn't when I really did. He started beating on me. You started beating on him. That about cover it, hon?"
"I'm dah Woodsman, you bidtch. Last time I med with dis guy," he paused and righted his jaw with a crack, "I filled him full of stones and threw him in the river!"
"Excuse me a moment." I tackled him and we both crashed through the second-story window. I landed on a car below. Hard.
"My...car," Toad whimpered as he stared at me lying on his demolished vehicle.
"Sorry, Toad. How's your insurance?"
He grunted, "I can't be mad at you. I called, and you helped. Still, I should've known you'd make everything worse!" He glanced to the side. "Well, at least neither of you are dead."
With that, the Woodsman pulled me off the car and pinned me against a wall. We had locked each other in dual chokeholds in seconds. He shook me, demanding, "Come out, Wolf! I know you're in there!" I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, their usual brown color had turned yellow. My teeth had sharpened. I growled as best as I could when I was being strangled.
Just as I was about to transform, the Woodsman drew back, the axe embedded in his skull. The girl was tougher than she appeared. She looked at me. "You're not really supposed to do that are you? I mean, with the eyes and the teeth." She kneeled down and began fishing in Woody's pockets.
"Not if I can help it. What are you doing?"
"Getting what he owes me." Her hand came out with nothing but pocket change. She threw it on the ground. "Great." She kicked his side.
"The guy's got an axe in his head. He isn't feeling that."
"True." She resorted to grinding the axe in further with her high-heeled shoe.
Woody began to crawl feebly. "I'll kill you, you bitch."
I rubbed my scruffy chin. "Good thing Fables are really hard to kill, huh?" She stopped, and I yanked the axe out of his skull and dropped it next to him. "What do you need the money for anyway?"
She looked down. "These lips are sealed. Sorry." She paused a moment. "You like my ribbon?"
I didn't answer. "I feel like we know each other."
"We probably did at some point," she allowed. "All of us Fables were related at one time or another, but things changed."
I looked back at Woody, but he was gone. I started to go track him down, but she stopped me. She said it had already been enough trouble for one night.
"How much did he owe you? I'm guessing it'd be bad for you to show up empty-handed."
"A hundred." She noticed I had pulled my wallet out and gave me a small smile. "It's fine. Really."
I insisted on giving her the fifty-eight dollars I had, and she reluctantly took it. She headed to go drop it off.
"Hey, wait. I'm going to need a statement. Swing by the Business Office later."
"Little late for that." It was after midnight. "I'll come by your apartment." Before I could give her my address, she cut in, "It's the smallest one in the Woodlands. Everyone knows where you live."
She turned her green eyes to the ground. "I need to tell you something." She lightly touched my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "You're not as bad as everyone says you are." She planted a small kiss on my cheek. As she walked away, she waved and said, "See you around. Wolf."

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