Sarah's Roses, Book II: Roses of White

Chapter XXVI.

Sorry for not updating for so long, our internet got cut :/ .

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Chapter XXVI.

The next day Colonel White sent his men out again to continue searching the grounds. I think the colonel was still hoping he would be able to track Mr. Browne down. Captain Sawnders had been placed under arrest and I heard rumors of a court marshal. Robert remained in the house to guard him. Our household continued with business as usual. The only time I really remembered I had Yanks living in my house was that evening when they all returned. Colonel White was very strict with them however and literally locked them in the ballroom.

I was putting the dinner dishes away when Evy scampered up to me and tugged at my dress.

“Sarah, Elsie’s brother asked me to give this to you,” she handed me a folded piece of paper. “Only no one is supposed to know, especially Elsie. Look what he gave me for my being able to keep a secret,” she held up a little whistle.

“Thank you, Evy,” I put the note in my pocket and turned back to the dishes. As soon as she left I fished it out and opened it.

Dear Sarah,

In my joy to see you again, I failed to realize what a scar had been left on your soul because of the way it all turned out for me and you and so I didn’t handle the situation as delicately as I should. I understand the reason you hold back is because you are afraid, afraid for me. I appreciate your concern, but please let me assure you it is not necessary. I can handle any pain life sends my way, I always have. What I can’t handle is seeing you across the room and know you are forcing yourself to be indifferent because of fear. Before we used to get upset about how unjust society was, but find how little I care for such things. All I know is that this is a war and with my future in such uncertainty I can’t afford to waste a single second. My dearest Sarah, I don’t know where our life paths are leading, but seeing they have crossed again, I want to make the most of it. If it is my pain you fear, then don’t, let me worry about that. If that is the price I have to pay, I will be glad to pay it. I’ve learned to embrace it, because the pain is what makes it beautiful. When you begin to see it as beautiful, you’ll understand what I am trying to tell you. I refuse to take your answer yesterday as final. That wasn’t you talking, it was your uncle. Don’t let his way of thinking destroy your thoughts and your feelings. He is not here, but you are and I am. If you still find yourself in doubt after reading this letter, then remember these words: I would rather hurt and have you then have nothing at all.

Yours forever,

Samuel Climb.

Goodness me, he was persistent. He had just gone and challenged everything I had told him, what was more, he made it look appealing and romantic. What was I supposed to do now? It was surprising how one little letter can make you doubt on the resolutions you had made just the day before. Was Sammy completely blind to reason, or was I blinded by it? Which one of us was right? Should I take the risk, or stick through with what I had told him yesterday. I didn’t feel capable of coming to a good decision on my own, but who was I to ask for help? I was afraid to bring up the matter with Elsie and Lulu and I would certainly never go to George. Confused I put the note back in my pocket and resolved I would think on this later.

 After Evy had been put to bed, I took the candle and went off to the parlor, only to shrink back when I noticed Colonel White was sitting there at the piano. After a moment’s indecision, I made up my mind to go in anyway. He was playing ‘Depth of Mercy’ and I waited for him to finish before saying, “that was my mother’s favorite hymn.”