Imperfect Life

Awkward Silence

The books imploded into my mind as I soaked in the violence and smiled at the unexpected ending, the villain won. I love how some books beat cliches and you can actually feel surprised.

My phone flashed as a silent alarm went off. Time for class. I had fifteen minutes so I had chance to choose the far corner of the classroom. I preferred not to associate with people, it leaves me vulnerable.

Stepping outside to the chaosity of  students, I indulged the last ounce of quietness and wandered into the blur of students. People swarmed the grounds and clustered together like a group of penguins. Social distancing had no meaning to education.

The younger generation love to keep everyone safe. Yet the government decided to bring back education manually for the economy. If the economy fell, so would the world we live in today... not that there's much left to fight for anyway.

Being pulled along by the many different directions of the rushing students, I found myself standing in front of my last hope for believing in society. Criminology,  the scientific study of crimes. This has been my dream since I was twelve. My lack of sensitivity to violence helped me analyse cases. With little to no hesitation, I entered the classroom and breathed a sigh of relief from being pushed around like a pinhatta.

"Hello! Welcome to criminology. Please take a seat. You are fairly early so you can wait for other students to come." A young female chirped.

Thank goodness it was a female! I felt so much safer now. Calmly, I went to the farthest back corner and sat down at a desk as I slumped my bag on it. Three hours of Miss Chirpy was going to be great (!) She better not ask me a question or I would stutter.

Leaning backwards against the wall, I closed my eyes as I took in the silence and tried to dissociate myself from the environment. Minutes passed by as the keyboard clacked away like there was no tomorrow. There was no regular pattern of sounds that I could tap my fingers to, only aggressive typing on the innocent computer. Miss Chirpy swivelled around in the chair and I could feel her eyes staring at my relaxed figure. Don't disturb me from relaxation.

"Look, if this class is gonna be a silent bunch then I will be going insane as we need to talk." She sternly spoke.

Panic hit me like a wave as I thought of my worst fear, socialising with not one, but a group of people. Quickly covering up my vulnerability, I simply smiled and looked out the window as rain started to pelt against the crystal clear glass. Crying and sadness, an emotion I fondly expressed the night before. Screaming silently into a pillow as the pain exploded from the essence of my memories.

... that shit is the worst. Not having the courage to call anyone as you feel like a burden. Feeling like your flashbacks of trauma are meaningless compared to others. I was lucky. But everyone's luck runs out one time or another. Mine was slowly losing it's place in the grasp of my hands as it shakes whenever I remember.

More stretched out minutes passed by as tension in the atmosphere secretly arose, making me feel it's honey like substance surround me as I struggled to breath. I need to remove this pressure by speaking. I can't. Yes you can, do you want to suffer in this awkward silence together? I sure as hell don't.

"Miss? What are we learning about today?" I forced out as the pressure began to release me out of a metaphorical choke hold.

She smiled at my unwanted communication and mistook it for being interested in a conversation.

"We will learn the basics of what crimes there are and focus on Assessment Criteria 1.1." She spoke automatically like it was rehearsed.

I couldn't continue this short chatter as my words left my dictionary temporarily as my reply was thrown out of the window. Awkward silence began to lightly wrap it's firm non-existent hand around my throat and applied pressure as time went on.

A door opening interrupted the choke hold as I breathed a sigh of relief. Please talk. I can't handle the pressure. Looking at the esteemed new guest, I pleaded with my eyes to talk.

The student was a female, quite tall and was black. Her skin was so flawless. Not a hair was out of place as she elegantly sat down. Lucky her, my hair looks like I just stuck my head in a blender and it grew by six inches. Her hair was pinned in a bun as she sat in the direct centre of the room. Ballsy move. I love her confidence.

Her high waisted green cargo pants hugged around her curves perfectly and her black crop top and shirt fitted her curvy figure perfectly. My fashion choice is jeans and leather jackets with male shirts and trainers. Maybe we could be friends.

I don't stand a chance of being her friend. Look at her then look at me. She was the epiphany of perfection, she wouldn't want a broken feeble woman to burden her. She glanced over at me and smiled genuinely. Wait, she acknowledges me!?

"Hi, my name is Zara Eddison, what is yours?" She spoke kindly.

Her voice sounded like it was dripped in honeycomb.

If this is the universe's way of trying to get me a friend, then I won't try it. People only like to break what has been broken before and build them up all over again. Nobody must know my vulnerability.

"Hi, I'm Taylor Cove." I meekly said.