Abnegation to Factionless

Chapter 13

//Tobias PoV//

Tonight is the best night ever. Literally.

Marcus won't be able to get a chance to beat me, because he was invited over to the house of someone he works with. Obviously, he wouldn't deny the offer because that would be selfish. But, it would also be selfless because he wouldn't want to waste their food and have them catering to him.

I stop thinking about that. All this selfish and selfless stuff just makes my head hurt, isn't everything you do somehow selfish? Ugh.

When I get home from school I wonder what I'm going to do. What is there to do?

I hop up the stairs and when I get to my room, reach under the bed and pull out the fine wood chest.

Slowly, I run my hands over the chest and take in the feel of it. It's smooth with a few indents and chips. It's not like they would get a new because of a few flaws. I
That would clearly be way to selfish.

I think it's better with all the chips and things. It's still beautiful. Because everything and everyone always have flaws. Almost always.

Much like Marcus, everyone seems to think he's the perfect person; so selfless and always does the right thing, he does have flaws. Evelyn. Me. Abuse.

I retrieve the key from my desk and go to grab the chair to wedge it under my door handle, but stop in mid-motion. Marcus is gone. He's not home. I remind myself.

I slowly push the key into the padlock, for once, not with shaking hands. The key turns and a faint click is audible. Barely audible. I take a deep breath and push open the lid. I finger the few items in it. No. I need more things. Selfish. So, so, so selfish. The word need itself is selfish.

I smirk as I close the box, without locking it I push it back under the bad so nobody sees it and I stand up.

I'm going for a walk, I decide.

I slowly go down the stairs, out of habit and then just push aside the rules in my head and hop the last few steps.

I take the back door out, in case anyone sees me exit the house and tells Marcus, then I head toward the school. The Factionless are that way, but I won't go near that place. It sort of creeps me out, even though I've walked through many, many times to get to school.

I run for a little while, close my eyes and flat out sprint, enjoying the way the wind bites at my face and rips at my clothes. I open my mouth and inhale the clean, fresh air.

When I stop running and I open my eyes I realize I am very, very close the Factionless sector. I slowly back away, not keeping my eyes off the trashed, destroyed landscape. Through the shadows and dust, I'm pretty sure I saw something move. No, not something: someone.

They appear from behind a crumbling wall of what may have been a building once, but is now reduced to rubble. A figure that is clearly definable to be a woman from where I stand, no longer back up, paralyzed on the spot. My feet seemed to have stopped working.

"Are you lost?" The woman's clear voice cuts through the air.

I can't answer, my mouth has gone dry.

"Hello?" She asks, her voice tinged with worry. "Do you need help?" The caring in her voice leads me to believe she was a former Abnegation.

Not sure if she can see my from here, I violently shake my head, telling her no. Feeling returning to my legs, I turn and sprint away. Far enough that I can no longer see the building or the woman.

I stop running again, my breath hitched and lean over clutching the stitch in my side. I gasp and stand up straight again, remembering that if you stand up straight and put your hands over your head you can breathe a lot easier, because it opens up your lungs. I do exactly that.

When my breathing evens out I start to walk back towards my house. I've had enough out here.

I need to put something in that chest though... maybe I should look for things.

"Hey, what are you doing, kid?" I hear a voice behind me yell at me.

I compose myself and look to who yelled at me. A black clothed, pierced face, tattooed armed guy. "I'm sorry if I caused you any inconveniences I was just trying to find my way back home after helping out with the computers and I got a bit lost." The lie slides straight out of my mouth without a second thought.

"Abnegation sector is that way," he points the opposite way that I'm heading.

"It is? Thank you so much! What could I do to repay you?" I ask politely like a perfect little Abnegation.

"Just get lost I don't care," he scowls and stalks off.

I'm used to getting acted to like that from Marcus, I just shrug it off and walk back towards my house.

Should I look for something to put in the chest? There's so much more room! I will.

I head back in the general area of abnegation but also near the Factionless sector. If I took a guess I would guess that's where most things are that are just thrown aside.

I guessed correctly.

When I get to the edge of all the crumbling structures there is debris and broken pointless things strewn across the dust and dirt covered ground.

I step on something and hear a crunch. I quickly recoil and realize I stepped on a pair of simple round, steel framed spectacles. The old kind one might have worn in Erudite years ago. When I stepped on it I must have cracked the glass in one of the eye holes. One of them has no glass already and the one I broke has jagged edges.

I have absolutely no idea why, but I love them. They're... fascinating.

I pick them up and carefully pluck out the sharp shards of glass out of the eyehole. Useless, yes. But beautiful.

I pick up one more thing, a rusted knife blade. Again, pointless. But beautiful. Fascinating.

All of these things strewn across the ground are beautiful in their own way. I wish I could keep all of them but I can't. Half of them wouldn't even fit inside my trunk.

I sigh and tuck the two special things into the waistband of my gray baggy pants; hand-me-downs of a kid that lives next to me named Joshua.

Making my way back home, I don't take the back way in case anybody else sees me and I look suspicious.

I don't say anything except for a few hello's and waving. Being polite.

I feel so guilty. Nobody can see the bulge, and even if they do to question me would be plain selfish.

It still feels like everyone is staring at me, eyes boring into me, and if they stare long enough they will be able to tell what I'm doing.

I hurry as fast as I can to get to my house without drawing attention to myself.

When I get there, I close the door silently behind me out of habit and then slowly ascend the stairs.

When I get to my room I feel happy, knowing I don't have to close my door, just draw the blinds across my window.

I pull out my trunk, which is already unlocked because I didn't lock it, just push in under my bed.

I open the lid and carefully place the items I have on the bottom of the trunk. I study them.

After a little while I feel my eyelids starting to close already and I put the trunk, locked, back where it belongs and the key in the drawer.

I turn off the light and slide into my bed, not bothering to change or remove any articles of clothing, take a deep breath and take a moment to take in the feeling of going to bed in my actual bed and not aching.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face and I don't dream about anything. Just have a peaceful sleep.