Metanoia

1: Súton

{Súton: /sǔːton/; dusk. period of time at the end of day when sun is below the horizon but before full onset of night// the end of something}

She swallowed the lump in her throat. Her mouth felt dry like the hot road on a summer noon as she looked into those expectant eyes . "No," It was crazy. "I'm sorry but I can't see it that far with you," It was way too sudden.

Phyllis grabbed her bag and got out amidst the stares from across the dining hall. Outside, she took a deep breath and tried to steady her shaky legs. The darkness of the night was a comforting blanket. The petrichor from the rain, soothing.

It was absurd. They barely knew each other and he wanted to marry her? They were only kids out of college with no financial stability. He just had to take her to this big fancy restaurant to get rejected, didn't he?

Feeling the hysteria rising, Phyllis desperately wanted to talk to Lin.

"Phyl, come on, wait. Don't just leave,"

Even the cold wind did not chill her skin like the sound of Randall's voice as she tightened her grip on the bag. The light from the building fell on his face melodramatically.

"What else do you want me to do? We don't have anything else to talk about now,"

"Yes, we do. Look, I respect your decision. I'm not trying to get you to change your mind. But, I need to talk to you. Don't think that I'm crazy. I'm trying to process and it hurts like hell. Can you please grant me some of your time?"

She bit her lip and nodded. He gave her a ghost of a painful smile.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Phyllis frowned. It had only been a month ago.

"We first met at Lin's 16th birthday. I came in and they had released the sparkle bomb on you while you welcomed me in. You probably did not think about me after that. But I remember the way your hair shined like multi-coloured fairy dust, your eyes an ethereal grey blue and the way you smiled brightly, from ear to ear,"

"Oh,"

Memories came flooding. He had looked different in that leather jacket and was taller than most. How had she forgotten? Maybe because she had been more interested in beating Lin's highscore and getting the best grades possible in chemistry for her dream career.

"I tried to talk to you but you had been with Lin naturally and birthday boy had been moving around trying to talk to everyone in that mansion house of his, with you following. When it was time to cut the cake, I watched you while he cut it. I got jealous when y'all gave each other a piece,"

He forced a laugh but she could feel his eyes burning on her.

"I searched for you in school after that. Tried to talk to Lin even though he wasn't the talkative type and casually asked about you. He told me that you were his childhood best friend and that you weren't from here. I remember thinking how lucky he was. I saw you once again in another party of his. You were as gorgeous as ever. You even gave me a glass of fruit punch. I drank it as slowly as I could to savor it. It tasted sweeter than it usually does,"

Phyllis' heart was hammering in her chest. Of course, she would not have noticed a guy crushing on her even if he was being painfully obvious.

"That was the last time I saw you before college. I was ecstatic when I saw you walking through the corridors. You asked me if I knew where Lin was, irritatedly gripping your phone the way you're gripping your bag right now and, in that moment, I had a million racing thoughts. And jealousy. I decided that you'll be spending time with me, not Lin. I know, this sounds like what some obsessed prick would say but Phyllis, I loved you. I love you. Is love not an obsession? It sure feels that way,"