Apathy ▸▸ Kellic

Chapter Sixteen

I posted a new story, or more so multiple stories. It's a Kellic one-shot book which I'll update every once and awhile. I take requests, so if you have a cool idea please go fill out the form. Also, I posted the first one-shot which I wrote last night. It'd mean the world to me if you'd go read it and vote(:

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I lied; Everything wasn't back to normal. Everything was so fucked up I was beginning to believe that every that was wrong was right. I just couldn't keep my head clear.

Two weeks passed. The band rehearsed, we all hung out, went to clubs, the list goes on. Just so happens though, I bumped into Oli. I get this is a big town and all, but how did I think for one second we wouldn't bump into each other.

It hurt my heart to see him, but it wasn't the disgusted look on his face when he saw me that bothered me. It was the fact that Oli had his fingers locked with an entirely new man. Just like that; I was out of his life. He was with this other guy, probably fucking him and kissing him, while I was at home with no one but myself. 

The night after we bumped into each other, I felt extremely small and worthless. I cried myself to sleep, but that's becoming the usual. Too much stress and anger and pain. Jealousy isn't what I'd call the emotion for Oli, because I didn't want Oli back. All I know is it hurt like hell seeing him move on so quickly.

Then again, I moved on too. He's just not here.

Vic and I obviously haven't talked and I've been home for about a month now. That's a long time to not speak to someone. I'm scared to call him, and knowing Vic he probably feels the same. Inevitably, one of us is going to have to work up the guts to call one another. It'll be me who calls; I know that much.

This relationship is like salt on a wound. But that's an idiom isn't it? I don't know if it's making things worse or better.

"Salt on a wound" is an idiom because of two things. First off, if you have a wound and you put salt on it, it's going to hurt worse than it already does. But salt heals wounds faster too. The salt is hurting you, yet healing you faster. Right now, my heart is a wound and I'm trying to decide if I want to put salt on it or not. I'm not talking in literal terms, I'm talking in emotional terms.

If I bring this back into present times, I'm in the same situation as I was a few nights ago. Laying on my bed, phone in my hand as I cry. My tears are salt, but they aren't healing any wounds. I'm not getting better; I'm getting worse. Maybe the idiom is wrong, or maybe it's just wrong for me. Maybe it's wrong to believe things are going to get better too. 

I opened my eyes, looking over at my phones screen. Is now the right time? It's late and he's two hours ahead of me. I don't know... I don't care. There's a nagging feeling within me that says I should call.

With a deep breath, I wiped a few of my tears before dialing Vic's number. I held my phone up to my ear, waiting with anticipation and expectations of him to answer. But he didn't, I got his voice mail. There was no point in leaving Vic a message, so as a few more tears fell I hung up. I threw my phone down on the bed, running my hands through my hair. I had a headache, but I couldn't take any pain killers because they mess with my stomach. Nothing helps me anymore.

I sat up for awhile, staring off into my dark room. It was kind of creepy, just sitting here like this. I felt vulnerable to myself right now. My phone buzzed, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at it as the screen was illuminated. It was a text from none other than Vic. I didn't know if I felt relieved he wasn't ignoring me or nervous because I didn't know what he was going to say.

I unlocked my phone before reading Vic's messages. He sent three.

From: Vic at 10:34 p.m

Hey

From: Vic at 10:35 p.m

I miss you

From: Vic at 10:35 p.m

And I love you

I smiled at my screen, relief spreading over me. It was overwhelming knowing someone you love is out there potentially falling out of love with you. It seems Vic isn't going anywhere though.

To: Vic at 10:38 p.m

Hi, I love and miss you too 

I wish there was a more specific way to explain how much I love and miss Vic, but my mind was at a loss for words. It was surprising enough to see Vic was texting me first, let alone him admitting he still loved me and missed me. I had to constrain myself from telling him about him about coming out here. 

From: Vic at 10:40 p.m

That's a relief to hear

A smile crept onto my lips.

To: Vic at 10:41 p.m

Same, I was worried we were going to grow apart. I mean, we still could, but I'm hoping not. I don't want to lose you twice

From: Vic at 10:43 p.m 

Don't worry about that

To: Vic at 10:45 p.m

I'm gonna go to bed, it's been a long day. Goodnight, I love you

From: Vic at 10:52 p.m

I love you too

With an exasperated sigh I locked my phone before rolling over on the bed, burying my head into the pillow. Exhaustion washed over me, making me attempt to relax more. Eventually I got situated before taking in a breath of the nights air. I thought about a few things before drifting off quite easily. Surprising enough, sleep wasn't much of a problem for me back here like it was there. Maybe it was the fact that I was in my own bed, resting my head on my own pillow. Or maybe it was because I didn't feel quite as pressured now that the fuse between Oli, Vic and I was over. Or I think it is. Let's hope it is. Who knows how much I can take before I break.

What I never realized was that I've always believed I was strong for the past three years, and now I'm learning that I've been broken this entire time. With Oli, the tour, stress. I've been a mess, and now I'm finally organized. This feeling sucks. I don't like being organized; I love the chaos.

And I know what I have to do to get the chaos back.