The New American Dream

Part Five: The End Of All Things | Chapter Forty-Six

Nate took a step forwards, closing the distance again. "Are you really that blind that you can't see it?" he asked desperately.

"What do you mean?" I asked more urgently now, raising my voice.

"Allie, we've been friends for how long? Fifteen years? I know by now, I always knew you liked me... more than best friend were supposed to like each other."

My heart dropped, it felt like I plunged into ice water.

"But how can you be too blind to see that I always felt the same?"

Another slap in the face for me. "What?"

"Yes." His voice broke and my heart did the same. "I thought you saw that, but apparently I was wrong. And now my chance has passed. You've got Dan now and finally you're happy."

"Well... are you fucking kidding me?" I asked, my voice louder than I had intended for it to be.

Now it was Nate that looked like I had slapped him.

"You- you could have made a move!" I protested. "I- do you know how I hurt Mark when I broke up with him because I wanted to be available for you? And how much I blamed myself for his death because I finally figured that it was pointless and you would never love me back? And that I could have avoided breaking up with him? Nate I was happy with him! But I wanted you, no one else and I hurt Mark so much with that! He might have told me about his problems and maybe he would have never died! Are you fucking serious right now? Why didn't you just say anything?" I yelled, angry tears in my eyes and a sharp pain in my chest from the memory of hurting Mark. All the anger I had built up over the past year because of Mark's death bubbled out of me. It wasn't fair to unleash it on Nate but this had been the final straw. "I send out enough signs, so many. Why did you never send on back?"

It happened too quickly for me to stop him. He stepped forwards and pressed his lips down on mine hard, his hands cupped my face. But instead of the satisfying feeling I would have always felt under any other circumstances, there was anger in my guts and a coldness that was so deep that it surprised me.

I put my hands on his chest and shoved, shoved him all the way away from me with all my might.

"Are you fucking mad?" I yelled, more angry than I had ever been before. The broken look on his face might have hurt my heart but in that moment the only feeling inside my soul was primal anger. "Consider yourself lucky I didn't break your nose!" I was so angry at him I was sure I could have landed a good hit or maybe two.

"Yes, are you mad?" I heard an ice cold voice behind us. It sounded eerily calm.

With a gasp I turned my head and saw Dan standing in the door, his arms crossed and a more than angry look on his face.

"Listen, I didn't mean-" Nate started but Dan was already on his way over.

"Don't kiss her like that, you blew your chance, okay?" Dan said angrily and shoved Nate. I felt how this spiraled out of control.

"Hey!" I shouted and wanted to get between them. All the anger was gone at once and was replaced by fear, we were on the rooftop of a four story building with no railing after all.

Getting between them was easier thought than done. The shoving and hitting continued but eventually I wedged myself between them, standing protectively in front of Nate and shoving Dan away.

"Hey, what's going on out here?" came a booming voice from the door that I skillfully ignored for now.

"You two are a menace!" I yelled. "Stop it!"

Dan and Nate tried to get to each other again, but Dan was held back by Mr Davidson who had reached us by now and I grabbed Nate's arms so he would stop.