Castaways

Chapter 8

I was being tossed from one anxiety to the next, like a rickety ship bobbing along at sea being ripped apart by a terrible tempest. The Raveks were no longer a threat—not physically, at least—and so my rational mind was able to shed that worry with ease. Emotionally, that scar was still there. It would be for a long time. But that anxiety was no longer attacking me on all fronts. Now was time for the fallout of the situation.

My feet felt too light as I paced the carpet of my quarters, so much so that I felt I might float off the ground and never come back. I'd already thrown up three times since I was returned to the Shenipsit, and even though my throat burned with acid, my stomach was still tingling in a threatening way, as though it wanted to continue voiding what it did not have. What was going to become of me? Of Julian? I'd submitted my report, and I'd tried to keep it as objective as possible, but what if it was still biased? Maybe that was inevitable, but worse yet, what if I'd overcompensated? Maybe it would look like it was my fault for being captured in the first place. Was it my fault? I don't know, but Captain O'Connelly didn't like me as it was. Could she court martial me for the events that happened on the surface?

Anxieties plagued my mind and I struggled to sort them all out and compartmentalize them as I waited for the captain to call me down to her office. Finally my fears peaked as my communicator pin began to speak.

"Captain O'Connelly to Lieutenant [Y/N]. My ready room. Now."

Needless to say, she did not sound amused.

"On my way, sir," I said quickly, and without so much as an "O'Connelly out," the dialogue ended. I took a moment to steel myself for the conversation awaiting me, and without allowing myself to hesitate, I made a determined stride out of my quarters.

I still didn't know how much the crew knew about the situation, but as I made my way down the hall, familiar faces looked at me with apprehension. Evidently, either by rumor or briefing, someone had made the crew aware of what had gone down on the planet's surface. No doubt many of them had picked up on the fact that Commander Ryan, Lieutenant Dalton, and Ensign Omax had not returned with us. I looked away from them all, too embarrassed and ashamed to meet their eyes, let alone answer any questions. The only person I could even fathom talking to about it at that moment was—Julian.

His familiar face struck me from among the traffic in the hallway suddenly as I made my way towards the bridge, and I paused in my resolute stride. He seemed to have noticed me already and before I could move or react, his hand grasped my bicep. He pulled me quietly to the side of the hallway where we wouldn't disturb traffic.

"You're all right," I gasped. I hadn't heard news that he was out of sickbay at all. I leaned in and wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I was so scared."

"I'm sorry I frightened you," Julian said softly, yet urgently, "but there's no time. You're on your way to meet the Captain, aren't you?" I nodded. I didn't exactly want to stop and chat with anyone, considering the serious nature of the meeting awaiting me, but Julian wasn't just anyone. We'd shared such a horrific situation that whether we had feelings for each other or not, he would always get my time from then on.

"We should talk more about this later. But I just spoke with her. She's not happy," Julian said quietly. He pulled away from me, grasping my forearms gently. "I got off. She's deferred my reprimand to Captain Sisko, considering my transfer here was temporary for the away mission. But she clearly has her opinions, and... I don't think she's going to be gentle with you."

"Oh—god," I whispered, my anxiety spiking. I waited for an ensign to pass in front of me before quietly asking Julian the question on my mind. "What did she say?"

"To me?" Julian asked. He hesitated. "Not much. But—is it true that you fired a phaser just before you were beamed up?" My lips parted and I avoided Julian's eyes.