The New American Dream

Part Five: The End Of All Things | Chapter Forty-Three

"I'm so sorry," Victoria said.

I shrugged. "I expected something like that. It hurts anyway."

The door opened and a sleepy-looking Dan stumbled into the kitchen in pajamas and barefoot. His eyes landed on me. "Thought I heard your voice," he said.

I stood up from the table. "Can we go to your room?" I asked.

He nodded. "Give me ten minutes to get ready though,"

I sat back down. "Alright."

_____

"And your dad just left the room? Just like that?" Dan asked me. He had gotten ready as quickly as possible and was now sitting on his bed with me, arms wrapped around me from behind and his blanket thrown over us.

"Just like that," I confirmed as another tear escaped my eye. I felt stupid for crying about it and wiped the tear away impatiently like I had done with all the others. "I mean, I guessed something like that would happen. But I thought he would get angry at me, even yell at me or say something mean. I would have been able to deal with that, I always have been, more or less anyway. But he didn't say a single word, like I wasn't worth his attention and efforts."

Dan kissed the back of my neck, sending a comfortable tingle down my spine. "Sometimes in order to move forward we have to leave people behind," he said quietly and put his head on my shoulder, pulling me even closer. "It's probably for the better. Either he changes his mind eventually and apologizes, or it's for the better that he didn't. Depends entirely on him, it's not your fault."

I kept quiet. He was right of course. I didn't even know why I was so upset. I had had a rocky relationship with my dad my entire life, even more so in the past years. This shouldn't have been any different. But this felt too much like severing ties. Like the last string that had held us still together was now ripped apart.

"It's for the better," Dan repeated and kissed my cheek.

"I... I know. But it still hurts to lose him like that, even though we were never really close."

Dan sighed. "My dad was an asshole," he stated plainly.

I was taken aback. I had completely forgotten about him and his relationship with his dad and felt guilty about it.

Dan went on without taking notice. "For a long time I tried to ignore that he was an asshole, but if the past couple of years showed me anything, then it's that for some people there simply is no redemption. At first I felt bad about having these thoughts. He's my dad after all, right? But I figured that I was happier than ever without him in my life. This isn't about him, it's about me and my happiness.

"You shouldn't feel guilt towards someone that clearly doesn't love you, or at least not enough. You don't owe your dad anything, Allie. I felt like I owed my dad something, but my mom sat me down and told me that wasn't the case. I didn't own him or her anything, I should be happy on my own terms. If the only thing your dad does is make you feel bad about yourself then leave him behind."

A knock sounded on Dan's door.

"Yeah?"

Victoria entered, carrying a tray with breakfast. "Hey, I made you two something. I'm about to leave for work, but I figured you could use some breakfast," she said with a smile and carried the tray over.

"Thank you mom, love you," Dan told her and she smiled at him.

"Feel better, Allie," she told me encouragingly. "Bye sweethearts," she said and left.

"I love your mom," I stated, still with the crying-voice that I hated so much, and peeled myself away from Dan to check what Victoria had made us.

There were two plates on the tray, both containing scrambled eggs, bacon and toast, there was even a breakfast muffin on each of them. Two steaming hot mugs stood next to the plates, a peppermint tea for me and a coffee with milk and sugar for Dan.

"I love her too," Dan gave back with a grin and handed my a plate.

"She made breakfast muffins?"

"She made them yesterday night," Dan informed me. "I love them and she wanted to celebrate that I was back, she made them for breakfast this morning."

"Sorry for interrupting and taking away your muffin," I told him apologetically.

Dan shook his head with a grin. "Would you please stop apologizing for every little thing? It's okay to take up space," he said and dug into his own food.

_____

The breakfast filled my stomach and distracted me from my problems. Victoria really was a good cook, I had to give her that.

As we didn't have school today, but Zoey did, we had the day and the house to ourselves. Finally I was completely alone with Dan, without a single person interrupting us. That morning in Amsterdam had come close, but it was just different when you were in the comfort of your own home and not out in public.

Dan suggested taking it easy which I gladly agreed to. He had the idea to make a little camp in the garden, so we placed a big air mattress in the lawn and piled blankets and pillows on top pf it. Most of the morning we just lazed about in the sun, snuggled up to each other and we just talked. For lunch we ordered pizza and watched Netflix on his laptop while we ate on the mattress.

Come afternoon I had almost forgotten what I had been sad about in the first place. Almost.

"Thank you for the great morning. And for helping me," I told him. I was sitting on his lap, facing him and he had his arms loosely around my waist, while my hands were folded behind his neck.

"I enjoyed it too."

Softly I put my lips on his, mine gladly parted when his tongue brushed over them and I welcomed it into my mouth. My heart hammered in my chest, the feeling of him kissing me like that was unreal. His hands, which were caressing my sides, sent little electrical jolts through my body. We separated for air and after that his lips found my throat and he sucked on the sensitive skin there, undoubtedly leaving marks for everyone to see. The sensation of his lips on my throat made my hands fly up to his head and I dug my hands into his hair and let out a small breathless moan, which only seemed to encourage him to do more.

"Come on, not in the garden for everyone to see, get a room you two!" I heard from the porch.

With a start Dan and I jumped apart and saw a grinning Zoey standing on the porch, leaning onto the railing.

"How long have you been standing there?" Dan asked breathlessly.

"Not very long, I just got home. But long enough to see you trying to suck her skin off," she said with a wink and pushed herself off the railing. "Either way, mom just texted me that she's coming home early today, so I'd maybe pack it up out here," she suggested and left with a little wave.

When Zoey had closed the door behind herself I couldn't help but to break out into breathless laughter, Dan followed. We brought our foreheads together while we tried to catch our breaths.

"She's probably right, we should pack it up, come on," Dan told me and gently moved me off his lap. He got up and then grabbed me by the waist, pulling me up and setting me down on my feet.

Together we returned the blankets and pillows to their original places and stored away the air mattress, just as Dan's mom pulled up in her car.

"Oh, your... uh—" he pointed to my neck.

I looked at myself in the mirror and sure enough there were three red marks on it. I giggled. "Oh whatever, that was bound to happen sooner or later," I laughed.