Some Things Never Change [SHAWN MENDES]

May 18, 2019

I gulped, knowing what was coming. "Before you say anything, I want you to know something. I love you. I know we've never said those words but I need you to hear them from me."

"Shawn...if things were different I'd be the happiest girl in the world to know you feel that way. But there's Vince and I can't give up on him."

"He's out of rehab?"

"Yes, and he's a changed man. He wants to come to California with me and take some time off from acting so that we can focus on each other. You and I can't be together anymore. It's wrong."

"It never felt wrong," I said sadly.

I'd really hoped that Fiona would choose me. We had this intense chemistry and electric sex life, but more than that, we genuinely cared about each other. I'd loved her from afar for years, and once I had the chance to be with her, my feelings intensified. It was like I was living my dream by finally having the object of my affection, even if it was only for short periods of time. In London we'd been able talk more and that had made me fall harder.

"You're honestly too decent and sweet for me," she whispered, and I knew she was crying. "You need someone who will put you first and who is faithful."

"If it was only me maybe you would've been that person. You never gave us that chance," I replied as I choked back my own tears.

"I've got to dash. No more texts or calls, please. I need a clean break."

And then she hung up.

I heard the door open behind me so I turned to see who it was.

"Bad news?" Ceci asked when she saw my expression.

"Yeah. Wanna go for a walk? I'm not up to rejoining everyone."

"I'd love to. I just ate my weight in your mom's macaroni and cheese, so stretching my legs could do me some good. Let me tell our folks."

She went out on the patio and returned a few moments later.

"Want to walk to the school playground?" I asked. "Just like old times?"

"Yes! But I'm not holding your hand this time. The neighbors might talk," she joked.

In under ten minutes, we were at our primary school.

"It always felt like such a long trip when we were little," I commented.

"Our legs were shorter and we both liked to take our time. It used to drive our moms crazy. Remember when we sat down on the middle of the sidewalk so that I could read you a book?"

I laughed, forgetting my broken heart for a second. "You were so far ahead of me in reading, and it was a book I couldn't read on my own."

"Race you to the slide," she said as she took off running.

I passed her and was up the ladder in a flash, but I waited there for Ceci to catch up. She got behind me and I grabbed hold of her legs so that we could go down like a choo-choo train, which is what we called this as kids.

At the bottom, she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Give me a piggyback ride to the swings."

I obediently did as I was told and then put her down in front of one before sitting on the swing next to her.

"So tell me about the phone call," she urged, since that was why we'd taken this walk.

I took a deep breath. "It was Fiona. She ended things for good."

She didn't say anything and was just looking at her feet.

"Ceci?"

Still no response.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She got off the swing and moved in front of me and her body language told me I was in for it.

"What's wrong? What's wrong is that last weekend we spent most of one night and half of the following day having sex and not once did you mention that you and Fiona Slattery had enough of a relationship that it warranted a break-up!"

"I don't have an actual relationship with her. I never have. She and I keep getting together and as time has gone on, I started to think we might have a future. You know how I feel about her, so yeah, it hurts like hell that she said we're over and that she's recommitting to Vince."

"Do you even see that there's a pattern? You've got this weird habit of hooking up with women you claim to care about over and over again," she spat accusatorially.

"I'd hardly call two women a pattern."

"No? Was it the same with her as it is with me where you're loving and sweet while it's happening? But then...then it always goes back to business as usual. Do you even think about the message you send?"

I stood up and ran my hands through my hair. "I have always been straightforward with you! As for Fiona, she's usually the one who initiates everything and it's nothing like what we have!"

"Have you ever had a real girlfriend?" Ceci asked. "You don't have to reply to that because I know the answer. It seems to me that you substitute these unattached sexual relationships for genuine commitment. You get lots of sex without any work."

"Your clever theory might make sense if it wasn't for the fact that I do want a relationship with Fiona! If she dumped Vince I would be all in," I said.

Ceci's face fell. "God...you're such an asshole. I know this won't hurt as much as losing Fiona, but we're not having sex anymore, either."

She then turned and ran back to her house, leaving me to sit down on the swing again as I tried to figure out what had just happened.

One thing was very clear. Ceci reaction made me realize that she had feelings for me that went far beyond friendship. As I watched her disappear down the street, I knew mine did, too.