Before It Ends • Hessa • Emery Scott

𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎

I smile softly at his note. He isn't the romantic type, although sometimes he tries to be.

I fold the paper neatly, and stick it in my pocket, trying my best not to wrinkle it. This is going in my nightstand drawer.

I put my bracelet on and head upstairs. I find another box on the floor, and squat down to open it. The box is bigger, and I can see Amazon on the side of it. I open the box and inside is one of Hardin's white shirts. He doesn't wear white as much as he used to when I first met him. I loved how his tattoos bled through the thin fabric. It made him look so bright and happy. I lift the shirt to my nose and inhale his scent. It's as if he had just taken it off, but when he opened the door for me a minute ago he had a black shirt on. I giggle at the thought of him purposely wearing it for a few minutes just for this gift. I hug it close to my chest as I pick up another post-it note.

"𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘌𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 14, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦.
𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰.
- 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯."

I frown. Is that really how he feels? He doesn't want his children to look up to him? Who are they supposed to look up to? Me? I'd rather them get Hardin's nice carefree trait than my controlling obsessing characteristic.

I fold that note and put it in my pocket, keeping the shirt close to me. He didn't say where to go next. I assume the bedroom.

I open the closed door of my bedroom and see Hardin on the foot of the bed, slouching down waiting for me.

He looks up as I enter, and looks at me with a soft smile. "I'm sorry."

My smile grows, and I have to press my lips together to conceal it. When I don't speak he continues, "I'm going to talk to Auden, I promise."

I stick my hand in my pocket and pull out the notes and hold them out to him to look at. "What are these about?" I mumble, and he shrugs looking down.

"It's how I feel." He answers simply, although I'm slightly confused. He elaborates, "you know me. You know I'm nervous that you're going to get up and leave one day. That's what the first note was about."

I walk over and sit beside him, rubbing his forearm. We haven't talked about his insecurities of me leaving him in a long time. I wonder how long he has been feeling this way. What triggered those emotions to surface? "What about the second note?"

He takes a deep breath, "I don't want our kids to end up like me. I don't want to influence them into how I used to live. Emery has already crossed that threshold and Auden is next. I don't want to be here to encourage that."

I rub up his bicep, not even trying to comfort him anymore but myself. "Baby, they need you. You are their rock."

"That's the thing, Tessa! I don't want to be their rock. I don't want them to look up to me."