Hard To Love (a Josh Hutcherson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 7

Stella's POV

My head rests on the light feather pillow on the bed in Josh's guest room. My mind is drained, and the comfort of the bed underneath me is slowly pulling me into unconciousness. I drift off into a light sleep only too be woken up after a short, dreamless slumber.

I glance at the clock next to the bed and read the soft green luminescent numbers, 2:36AM.

My eyes are wide open, and there is no way in hell I will be able to get back to sleep. I grab my book and open the door to my bedroom quietly and tiptoe to the living room. I grab the fleece University of Kentucky blanket that is draped over the back of the couch, which smelled just like Josh, and wrap it around my brittle body. I slide the door to the balcony open and feel the cold wind rush up the legs of my sweatpants and the cracks the blanket doesnt cover. I pull the blanket tighter around me and sit in one of the cushioned chairs on the balcony.

The streets still have people walking on them, drunk, sober, working, New York never sleeps. The lights of the city twinkle all around me and I can just barely see the star of the top of the tree in Times Square. A smile makes itself at home on my face as I remember the night Beatrice and I watched the tree light up. I open my book and begin to loose myself in the printed words, but am quickly interupted.

"couldn't sleep?" Josh opens the sliding door, wearing nothing but grey sweatpants resting low on his hips, making me second guess my decision about me being just friends with him.. He sits down next to me in another chair, lifting his arm to reveal the anchor tattoo printed on his side, very similar to my own on my wrist.

"Sleep was barely even a thought for me tonight." I lay my head on the back of the chair and stare at the stars, "don't get me wrong, the view is beyond great," I look over to him, letting my eyes wander down his chest and back up to his eyes, "But itsn't it a little cold to not be wearing a shirt?"

He laughs, "Shirts are for pansies."

"And when you get sick, you'll regret that decision." i smile at him and he looks out to the city.

"Its great huh." he says rhetorically.

I look around in awe, "Its amazing. something about the big city lights at night relaxes me. So what brings you out here, can't sleep either?"

He shakes his head, "I have too much on my mind to sleep."

"Tell me, what could be on your mind at this time of night?" I say.

"I could ask the same for you." he says, and he knows he just stumped me.

"I can't even fathom what is on my mind." I say, pulling the blanket closer to my chest, thinking it will keep all of my insecurities in.

He gives me a look of confusion and I shake my head. We sit in silence for a few short minutes, occasionally exchanging glaces at each other.

I can't keep hiding this. My past, from him. Especially if I am going to be spending every day with him. I need to find the right way to explain myself to him, to show him that i am not weak because of it, but I still don't have a crystal clear past. How do I tell something this depressing and discomforting to someone who has life all figured out? I don't have the slightest clue, but I am about to go out on a limb and just say it, and apparently he has the same idea

"Stella," he starts

"Josh" I say at the same time he says my name. We both laugh and fall back to silence,

"okay you go first," he says.

I take a deep breath, "well, I havent been completely honest with you, Josh."