TW//mentions of suicide, self harm, and a minor eating disorder
Numbers for help are at the bottom.
September is Suicide awareness month, and there are some really amazing creators on here that have shared their stories, and I have decided to share mine. I've never been Suicidal, I've never gotten to that point of sadness that I don't want to live anymore. I don't have depression, only mild anxiety, but it has never made me want to take my own life. At thirteen years old I got a phone call, it wasn't unusual, we talked every night, but tonight was different. He was contemplating suicide. His past attempts had failed, but he figured it out and he could do it this time, he just wanted to say goodbye. I had a panic attack on the phone that night, and the next day asking a friend what I should do, and again in the bathroom after telling the councilor, and later that afternoon when his mom called me asking why his councilor called her saying her son was suicidal, because he said it was just a book. I can't lie to that woman who partially raised me. So I told her the truth, and he didn't talk to me for a month, and I was worried out of my mind, but my friends kept reminding me that it could have been worse if I didn't say anything. I didn't eat for a week, I felt too guilty to. When my uncle died I learned that was a common form of grief. I cut a couple of times, just because I wanted to know what he was feeling, I wanted a reason for his silence, because I broke a promise, and everything was fine, because I couldn't blame him. I still can't. We're seventeen now, juniors in high-school, and we're got plans to go to prom together if Corona allows it. We don't talk about it, but to this day any time he posts anything even slightly negative, I have to check on him. I can't read real experiences because it takes me back to that heart stopping panic attack that could have ended so much worse. I still have trauma from that experience, and I didn't even have the worst of it. I got the better half of that situation because I didn't have to think about taking my own life. I can't imagine what he felt, or anyone else who has to experience those thoughts and feelings every day. Just know that I am so proud of you for making it this far. I am so proud of you for waking up in the morning, weather you got out of bed or it was just a bad day, I am so proud of you for fighting this long. If you have these thoughts please keep fighting, I am here to talk anytime you need me, I know sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger, and if you don't have these thoughts or feelings, check in on a friend, because sometimes the happiest ones are the most broken.
I love you all so much, stay safe. ❤
Call or text
Suicide hotline//
1-800-273-8255
Domestic violence hotline//
1-800-799-7233
Substance abuse and mental health//
1-800-662-4357
Human trafficking hotline//
1-888-373-7888
