Lesson Learned

You've learned so much

"Why are you in here?"

His voice made her jump and lookup.

Her dad was standing in the doorway with a scowl in his face instead of his usual smile.

Mitsuko forced a smiled. "I made you tea!" She quickly slid off the chair, holding the frame tight. "Mommy helped me make it."

Dad remained quiet, sitting in the chair while his gaze remained distant. "Don't come in here and touch things." He took the photo from her. "Do you understand?"

Her brow furrowed, shifting uncomfortably. "Sorry, daddy."

His scowl worsened. "You're not an infant, Mitsuko," his voice sharpened, making her jump. "Speak properly or not at all." He placed the photo carefully back on the desk.

She winced, confused by his impatience. "Yes...dad..." she corrected, remembering some of the older kids call their fathers that. "I'm sorry."

He looked annoyed still and she was wondering what she was doing wrong.

"The tea is nice." She tried to refocus him on the drink, hoping it would make him smile again. "It's your favourite." He ignored her and narrowed his eyes at the photo. "Momm—mom said..." She hesitated. "Mom said that you're sad because your student passed away."

He gripped the frame tight.

"But-but don't be sad, dad." She grabbed the hand on his lap. "My teacher says when we die we go to heaven, so you'll see them again!" Her smile was warm. "And that you can eat all the dessert you—" She winced when he dug his nails into her small hand too hard. "Dad..."

He didn't look at her for a second, staring at the photo in his hand, gripping tight still until her eyes watered.

His grip slackened and became gentle again when he looked at her. "Your teacher is ill-informed," he said quietly, placing a hand on her head gently, causing her to move closer and relax. "My student is no longer with us. He's gone." His voice hardened. "No one will ever see him again, because he's dead." His voice sounded weird like it was painful for him to speak. "That is death."

Mitsuko tensed, looking up at him in confusion. "But mom said—"

"Your mother is wrong as well," he spoke over her. "Death does not lead to a wonderful place. It is a permanent end." He started to sound angry. "I will not have you entertain these delusions." He dug his fingers into her scalp, making her tense again. "Nothing good comes from dying. Do you understand?"

She nodded quickly, growing scared again as the concept of death became terrifying. She imagined her brother 'passing away' and never seeing him again, and then her mom and dad as well. Then she'd be all alone.

The fear wrapped around like a coil. "I don't want people to die!" Her eyes welled up with more tears, a sob coming up from her throat. "I don't like it!" She sobbed and clung onto him. "I don't want you to die or-or..."

"Enough of that." He shushed her, petting her head more gently now. "That won't be for a long time." He wiped away some of the tears with his thumb. "There's no reason to cry over things that haven't happened yet."

She held onto him and closed her eyes while he gently stroked her head soothingly like he normally did when she had a nightmare or was sad. It dawned on her quickly how much she had missed it. He hadn't even hugged her or Gakushuu for a while now, or played hide and seek with them, or done piggyback rides.

She wiped her eyes tight and sniffled when she tried to climb onto his lap for a hug, but he kept her an arm's length away, gripping her shoulder so she couldn't get close.