Angel on Lend

21

Trigger warning: sleep paralysis

Waking up from a nightmare, a dream of the past trauma, is like having a lukewarm coffee. It's a coffee except for the fact that it's not warm or cold, something that's not your typical preference. You don't exactly know if it's a good or a bad thing, maybe something in the middle. Tolerable.

And that's how I feel most of the time, living this life is just tolerable. Don't get me wrong,  there are my few friends that reminded me how beautiful life is and phases that I have these happy moments. Maybe my soul is just craving for something more exciting and more fun.

I almost bumped into someone along the hallway while reading the notes By had typed last night and the other night. I smiled with the thought that she had a blast. Good for her.

I went into the laboratory wearing a coat and having my hair twisted in a bun. We're dissecting a cockroach.

Halos ilang oras na kami rito at halos lahat din ay init na init na. I can't wait to remove this labcoat. Ginala ko ang paningin ko sa ibang grupo at nagulat ako na halos parang wala lang sa kanila kung mainit. Nagtatawanan pa sila kahit medyo mali 'yung ginagawa nila samantalang ako inis na inis na dahil sa init at tagal namin. Maybe that's the flaw of taking a course not aligned to your liking.

Ilang minuto pa bago kami nakalabas ng lab kaya mas lalo lang akong nainis. When the prof dismissed us, I immediately went to the comfort room to fix myself. While looking at my reflection on the mirror my phone vibrated.

From: Langley
Alis tayo :)

Nag-isip agad ako ng palusot para 'di makasama kasi malapit na finals ko, kailangan ko mag-aral ngayon.

To: Langley
I have finals next week. I need to study.

He didn't reply so I decided to leave the school. Pero 'di pa ko nakakalabas ng gate may nakita na 'kong pamilyar na motor. He's waving at me.

"I told you, I need to study," I said in a monotone.

I guess he's troubled by my monotony found in my voice. I can't blame him, ang ayos-ayos lang namin noong nakaraan.

"Ano nangyari?" He asked worriedly.

I just shrugged and walked pass him. I really need to study, I don't need a distraction. And my mood's not that good.

When I arrived at our house, I immediately went to my room and study. I pulled out an all-nighter.

I glanced at the clock hanged in front of my bed---it's almost 3 in the morning. Maybe taking a break won't hurt.

My breathing changed from being calm to a quick, heavy and ragged one. I also felt something heavy on top of me. I blinked twice to glance at what it is.

Her stares are dark and do pierce me. I can't fucking move. She started to caress my left cheek using her right hand. Her touch felt like a feather---so light and soft. A smile escaped her lips but it doesn't reached her eyes.

What are you feeling? Are you glad to see me or did you miss me that's why you're visiting your daughter? Those thoughts kept on lingering in my head. But I can't speak nor move my body.

"My star, my little angel," she said, still caressing my cheek.

"You shouldn't have been born," she muttered under her breath.

And just like that the warmth I felt from her hand vanished. Her stares got darker and colder as I felt a sting in my chest. The air got thinner also, it's making me catch my breath.

I closed my eyes to remind myself that this is only a dream but the more I convince myself, the harder it is to breathe.

As I open my eyes, I saw her choking me using both of her hands.