cool » l. hemmings

xxxvi.

I sat with Luke at the park we'd found, his arm around my shoulders and hand coming down to hold my own, as we discussed more about Grady's birthday. Again. We wanted to do something for him that he would remember forever, something that he would have fun with.

"I think we should take him to that one place," Luke said, bringing his leg up to put his ankle on the opposite knee. He leaned back against the bench we sat on and put his other arm on the back of the rusted, wooden chair. This was probably a splintering hazard. I'm surprised we don't have any splinters in our butts yet.

A sigh escaped my lips, but I still laughed, "Yes, because that one place is so specific. I'm being serious, babe, he deserves it."

"I know he does," he smiled, squeezing my hand as if to silently say his reply again, "but I thought we were going to tell him about the speech therapy and take him to our cliff."

"But that's not a gift from me," I pouted, "My mom is doing the speech therapy for him and you're the one who came up with the cliff idea." I really couldn't figure anything out. It was horrible of me to be this stuck on what to do for my own brother, especially with his birthday only a few days away.

"Technically you thought of going to the cliff before I did," he pointed out, bouncing his leg up and down to keep occupied, before he completely stopped doing anything all together and was quick to pull both of us off of the bench.

Do you know that moment where, in the worst way possible, the world stops and you immediately feel everything in your body shutting down and you don't know what to do but even if you did, you could because you can't do anything?

We used all the power we could to yell over to him, not caring if he couldn't hear us. That didn't matter right now. My legs launched me out of the bench we'd been sitting on, toward my brother and I swear I've never ran so fast in my life. I didn't care about Luke running after me and trying to catch up. I didn't care about my legs feeling as if they were about to give out and cause me to collapse. I needed to get to my brother.

I ignored the slowing footsteps of Luke behind me, and his light grip on my arm when he had reached me, trying to turn me around to look at him. "Michelle--" he tugged, but I stayed with Grady pulled into my lap.

There was the sound of a door closing right in front of me and Grady. "Oh my God, I'm so--"

"I -- you--" I choked. I didn't know what I was trying to say and I didn't even know what I wanted to say. I couldn't say anything. My throat felt as if it were closing. The world felt as if it were closing.

"Michelle, look at me," Luke kneeled down next to me, putting his hands on either side of my face and turning my head toward him. "I need you to go call an ambulance. You can do that, right?" All I could do was nod. I could barely even stand up from how shaky I'd become. I wasn't crying. I wasn't doing anything. My eyes were wide and I don't think I could've gotten anymore expressionless. I was scared and I wanted to puke and I wanted to yell at that woman for even driving in the first place if she couldn't stop when she needed to. But I couldn't.

"I can call them -- oh my God," the woman said, pulling both of her hands through her hair and then reaching to the bag over her shoulder, presumably to get her phone.

"Well do it quickly then! There's no reason it should take that long!" Luke snapped, giving a look to her and then trying to get Grady to respond to anything he did; shaking him, talking to him, anything.

Luke was breathing heavy, the bottom of his palms rubbing at his temples as soon as he stood up, "He's not--"

"Don't say it. Don't say it," I repeated, shaking my head violently. I didn't need to hear anyone say it, I knew what was going on. I was smart enough to know Grady was too small to even stand a chance, but I won't admit that to myself and I certainly won't let myself think he's nearly gone. He's not he's not he's not.