Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

17

Am I worrying too much? Am I doubting myself more than I should? Should I even worry about my future? I'm panicking in my sleep. I can't believe myself. This is the only time I get to be unconscious and relax but, I'm still thinking of my requirements.

Kenma woke me up and it's the first period, I tried my best to listen to the discussion, but my head's not cooperating. Everything's stressing me out! Can't I rest? I can.. but why can't I? I can't free myself from the pressure, exams and grades... that's all I could think of.

I suddenly felt an arm around my waist, he knows. His eyes aren't on me but he can see me struggling. He's rubbing circles on my waist with his fingers and it's calming me down. I should stay calm, the exams are on Wednesday, I have tonight and tomorrow to study. I can do this!

I struggled with a problem again and he helped, he explained it to me repeatedly, is he even done with his? I'm bothering him again. Why can't I understand this on my own?? I can't keep disturbing him to help me out! But he's also being so selfless. Ugh, this is annoying-- I'm annoying.

Finally finished mine and he stood to pass it for us, first period just ended. I tuck my head in my arms that are on my desk, feeling my tears fall from my eyes. I can't do anything right, I can't! Why did I even think that I'd be able to? I'm a failure! I can't move on to the next step! Everyone's already doing the next step and I'm still here. I hate myself.

Kenma tried to pull me up but I resisted, I felt scared when I heard him sigh. He's mad. I immediately look up and wipe my tears, he's only looking at me. He's mad! Why can't I just do things the right way?? Why is he even with someone like me--? No, why is he with me?

He held my hand and brought me somewhere, his grip was tight, he's mad. He's mad. He's mad! He's definitely mad! I can't even adjust to him, why?? Why can't I..? I'm scared of acting up, is he going to say he hate me now?? Maybe he should! I'm his biggest mistake! Ha, it hasn't been a week...

He took his blazer off and spread it on the floor, he pulled me down to sit; I can't look him in the eye. "Tell me what's in your head." I shake my head and he cupped my cheek, making me look at him. "If you think that I'm mad, I'm not." I can't stop my tears, why does he have to be so lenient with me? He pulled me closer and he kissed my lips, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck, getting pats on the back as I cried on him. "H-How can you p-put up with me?" He never got tired of comforting me, telling me it's fine, what if it's actually not fine? "You never tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, why?"

"You know the reason why." Because I love you. "I'm here to help, and complaining about how you are won't help." I felt my hair fall on my back, he took the hair tie off. He's so understanding, he can adjust to me, but I can't. I don't even understand why I'm like this.

I told him everything, every little thing that goes in my head; I told him how much I'm stressing out over the exams, my grades, myself, everything. He didn't say anything, he just listened to me. I get kisses from time to time and they helped, he helped. He whispered sweet nothings to my ear, making me chuckle and smile.

The bell rang and we both headed back. Maki, Honami, and Ena were the ones who welcomed me; asking me if I'm fine, telling me that it's okay and that I should let them know. They gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The three of them asked Kenma if he's the reason why I'm acting this way, I immediately denied that, seeing all of them laugh at me.

While class went on, Kenma had his arm around my waist, we weren't really obvious to the teacher so it was fine to stay that way. I actually told him not to because we might get caught, but he's pretty stubborn so I just let him do what he wanted. We had a sudden quiz during our third period, he had to let go, the teacher's roaming around. I hate it when they do that.