WAS IT WORTH IT ↛ ARTHUR MORGAN [EDITING]

The Truth Comes Out II

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I woke up wrapped in my blanket, still in my clothes. I got up from the cot and slipped on my boots. I fixed up my hair before walking out of my tent. I greeted some of the other gang members and got myself a cup of coffee.

I made my way over to the edge of camp to get some peace and quiet. I decided to do some writing in my journal.

Well, I haven't written in quite awhile. There's been a lot of stuff going on in camp and with Arthur and I. Yesterday we talked a bit about what we were gonna do after he.. passed. It was hard for me but I eventually was able to tell him. I told him that everything's gonna be okay and that I'll take care of myself. He's still worrying about it but I just want to enjoy the time I have with him. Still, the thought of losing him makes my heart ache.

John told me he loves me, I had to reject him. It's not that I don't love John I just don't love him the way he loves me. I love him as a brother, a friend, he loves me as something else. A lover. It pains me to have to tell him that I don't love him that way but it's the truth, I love Arthur and I always will. I hope he still remains friends with me and we can just go back to the way things were, I just want my friend back. My brother. I know it's weird calling him a brother when he loves me the way he does, but that's how I feel.

Moving on to what's going on in camp, I think this whole thing is pretty much over, Trelawny left. He was a good friend to me, he didn't always stick around camp but he was there when we needed him. I'm worried for Dutch though, ever since he got back from Guarma he's been acting like a mad man, saying that we need noise. He's been having us rob nonstop, I personally think we should start to lay low but he refuses. He has this thing going on with the Indians. They seem like nice folk, feel bad that Dutch has been playing them like a fiddle. And Micah, that asshat has Dutch wrapped right around his finger, whispering in his ear. I can't stand the man, he's absolutely unbearable.

I hope things will get better, but I'm afraid they are only getting worse.

I closed my journal and looked up at the sky, I took a deep breath in than out. It's time I had a talk with John.

I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to camp, looking around for where John was. I saw him near the campfire, sitting alone. I walked over to him and sat on the log he was sitting on.

"Hey, John." I turned my head to him, he didn't take his eyes off the fire. "John, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but I don't love you that way, I love you as a brother. That's how I'll always feel." I waited for his response, he didn't say anything. His eyes stared at the fire. I adjusted myself on the log.

"It's alright." John finally met his gaze with mine, I could see the heartbreak in his eyes. "Let's just go back to how things were." John formed a small smile on his face.