Monty & Grayson

5 - Imagining Kisses

"Hey, no need to apologise. If you want to go home with your girl, you can."

It's not a surprising assumption. It's not the first time anyone's made it, too. But it's the first time I minded.

Just a little.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, uh." Grayson looked to the side, eyes darting away. "Sorry, I just thought..."

"That's fine," I assured him. "She is, however, waiting for me. So I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you."

Except he wasn't. Grayson wasn't seeing me, because he's not looking at me at all.

***

Friday evening, after too many glasses of wine, me and Aria were lying on her bedroom floor.

Some upbeat teenage song was playing in the background-the credits of the movie we were watching.

I turned my head to look at Aria. "Grayson called you my girlfriend."

"Huh, okay." She frowned. "Except he kissed you and I didn't?"

"I think it was because you dragged me away."

She groaned. "God, you already kissed someone, and I didn't."

"You kissed that guy at summer camp."

"That doesn't count, and you know it. It was a spin-the-bottle-kiss."

I looked up at Aria's ceiling and wondered out loud, "How's that different from a truth-or-dare-kiss?"

"Uh, I guess it's not?"

But the kiss had been worrying me for over a week now. It felt so dismissive to say it didn't count, especially since the problem was still very real.

"I hate not knowing," I mumbled.

"Hmm?" Aria turned onto her stomach, her dark hair falling over her shoulders. "Not knowing what?"

I also turned on my stomach, and looked at my best friend. Really looked at her.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked.

She laughed. "Sure."

On my elbows, I scooched forward. I pressed our lips together, and it's... skin on skin.

Aria tasted like the sweet wine we just had, which wasn't unpleasant per se, but I still felt very little for moving my lips and prolonging the kiss.

When Grayson moved his lips, it was good for a second, though.

I tried it too, but... It just felt wrong.

I leaned back. "This feels very wrong."

Aria's face scrunched up. "That was unpleasant. I'm sorry, Monty. Even though you're a hot nerd, my lesbian heart doesn't beat for you."

I laughed, but my joy was short-lived.

Because I only collected another not-answer: I don't want to kiss Aria.

I dropped my head on my arms. "How can I know I like boys if I don't want to kiss anyone?"

I bumped my head against my arms. It hurt, because it made my glasses press painfully into my face.

"Wait," Aria said. "Does that mean you're asexual?"

"I jerk off," I mumbled.

"I think you can still be asexual, though?"

I leaned my head to the side to look at Aria. And maybe, it's because I'd had a few glasses of wine that I admitted, "I got goosebumps when I kissed Grayson."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, for a second."

She frowned. "Maybe he's an exceptional kisser? No, that wouldn't make sense. Maybe you're the other thingy... Demi? Was it demisexual?"

I thought back on the kiss. It had felt remarkably unremarkable, until Grayson had moved.

But I had moved with Aria too, and that didn't do anything for me. Perhaps because she's a girl?

Suddenly tired, I laid on my back again.

"Why is this so difficult to figure out?" I mumbled.

Aria shuffled over to lie next to me. "Because, as far as I know, you've never been particularly interested in this stuff." She put her head on my chest. "Do you think you could kiss Grayson again?"

I closed my eyes and imagined Grayson lying on my chest like this. Imagined playing with his dark curls, threading my fingers through them.

I imagined it would make him smile.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Ha," Aria said. "I heard that."

But I didn't open my eyes just yet.

I imagined moving my hand to the back of Grayson's neck and pulling him up so our faces were close.

I imagined him looking away, because for some reason he thought people didn't like him, and I didn't have to imagine being frustrated by it.

With my other hand, I'll move Grayson's head so he had no choice but to look at me. And it would be perfect, because his lips would be close enough to kiss.

My face felt hot as I imagined leaning in and kissing Grayson Rogers on my bedroom floor.

"Hmm," Aria hummed. "I can definitely hear something happening inside your chest."

Slightly embarrassed, I opened my eyes. "I think I want to kiss Grayson Rogers again."

But more than that, I thought on Saturday morning, I wanted to get to know him.