Thoughts of You

three: all too familiar

Grayson

After a long day at work, I finally get to go home. It's not that I don't enjoy the job, because I do. But today was just a very quiet day so not many people came in, which meant I had basically nothing to do all day.

I walk out the staff exit and head to my car. I still have my old crappy car, but now I'm saving up for a better one. I won't be able to afford it for a while, but at least there's hope. I start the rusty piece of junk and head on my normal route home.

After about fifteen minutes of driving, I see some flashing lights up ahead. The traffic slowly comes to a stop. I guess there's been an accident up ahead. The cars in front of me roll forward at snail pace. I can see just up ahead that there is a man in a reflective jacket directing the traffic off of the road. I sigh, knowing it could take me twice as long to get home the only other way I know how.

I start driving along the longer route home when suddenly I pull onto a road that I am all too familiar with. I drive for a minute or two until my car starts to slow. Without my brain telling it to, my foot has pushed down on the break. The car pulls to a stop at the side of the road, just out of site of my old house.

The place where I grew up. Where my abusive father is living, and my weak mother is taking his crap. Hatred runs through my veins as I spy on the house through the trees. I don't know what comes over me when I pull the car keys from the ignition and undo my seat belt. Before I know it, I am out of the car and walking towards the house.

As I approach the building, I see that it is somehow more run down than it was when I lived there. I see my dad's car parked outside the house and my breath catches in my throat.

I know the risk I am taking as I slowly walk up to the house. I silently walk towards the window that looks into the living. I carefully gaze through the glass to see my monster of a father sitting on the sofa, beer in hand, watching the television. Nothing's changed there then.

There is fear in my brain, telling me I shouldn't be risking this. It is fear that has been engraved in my head from such a young age. But I am a man now, so I chose to ignore it. I tip toe round the side of the house, towards the window that leads to the kitchen.

That's when I see my mother. She is standing over the hob, slaving away for my father, cooking a meal for him. I can't see her face, but what I can see isn't good.

She looks bad. Her body is somehow more frail than before, and I can see bruises on her arms. When she moves slightly, her face comes into view. Her face is pale, her eyes are glazed over and she looks tired. Really tired.

I have to look away. I cover my mouth to stop myself from throwing up. The guilt that I am feeling is overwhelming. How could I have left her here for so long? She is wasting away.

Six months ago, after everything that happened in my bedroom, I convinced myself that I hated my mother. That everything she did that day was for her husband, not for me. But I don't hate her. I don't think I could ever hate her.

Suddenly a booming voice takes over my concentration and my dad storms into the kitchen, clearly ready for his dinner. I duck under the window in fear of being seen. I don't want to imagine what is happening in there right now. I know I should help, but I also know that it wouldn't do me or my mother any good. So I walk away, fast.

I get back to my car, turn the key, and drive away. 

***

Hey everybody!

It's been a while. I'm sorry for the months I've been away.

I've been studying since September and have come home for Christmas break. I wasn't planning on updating because I knew I'd be going away again soon. But since the UK is in another lockdown, I thought I might as well log on.

Thank you all for the feedback on this book and the last one! It means so much to me. I can't believe 'Think of me' has over 600k reads?! That's insane! Thank you so much :)

I'll be trying to update as much as I can.

I hope everyone is safe.

Sending love <3

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