Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

08

"I'll leave you guys to talk." Kenma stands from his seat and heads for the door. He gives me a smile and I just nodded.

"(Y/n), I have to ask.." Honami and Maki looks at each other, turning to me with expectant eyes. "You have to be completely honest." I nod slowly, kind of nervous with the sudden change of topics. "Do you like... Kenma?" Honami asks, making me panic. Do I..?

"I don't know.. Does it look like I do?" I point to myself, asking as I looked back and forth at the two of them. Wide smiles formed on their faces, giving me multiple nods. "H-How do you know that?"

"It's just obvious." I furrow my brows in disbelief, seeing smug looks on their faces. "You haven't had an attack ever since you saw Akaashi again, you've been able to calm yourself down." Well that is not entirely true, I had an attack after talking to him. I look at my hands and gave it a thought, I can't say yes without being sure.

"Don't pressure yourself, we just wanted to know. But it seems like you're not sure yet." They ruffle my hair, messing it up to distract me from trying to think of an answer.

The three of us turn to Ena, hearing laughter from where she's at. There are countless people around her, trying to get to know her better. Still seriously reminds me of myself from back then. Our eyes met again, and she suddenly looks sad.

I couldn't look away for some reason, it's like she was begging me for something. Her eyes were speaking to me, telling me that something's not right with her; if we were back in middle school, those eyes would've glared at me the second she notices me staring.

The bell suddenly rang, it's now time for first period. It was normal, except for the fact that everyone's saying, "if you need help, just tell me," they want to help her. This is is so familiar that it's so funny. I still can't take it in that she's back in my life, after being able to run away and escape.

I rub my forehead after Kenma tapped it with two of his fingers, he said I was spacing out. I continue rubbing it, and he made me stop. I take out my notebook, doodling a little paper plane and a clipboard for the date, styling it the way I want. Doing this suddenly reminded me of what he said, but I like it this way.

Writing my notes and listening to the teacher discuss somehow made me think of Kenma, probably because of my best friends' question. If I like him or not. I can admit that he's really helping me a lot with my anxiety, he's able to calm me down. He doesn't do anything too grand and amazing; but with only the sound of his voice, and his gaze.. I calm down.

Kenma's fun to be with, though it is kinda hard to think of a topic to talk about, knowing that video games are possibly the only thing he could think of. Speaking of games, I saw him play a new game, he probably just bought that recently. He's spending his allowance on that.. where the hell does he even get his money?

Even if I conclude that I do like him, it's just going to be unrequited love— if it is love. He doesn't mind anything except for his studies, video games, and volleyball, maybe also his friends but most of the time it's just those three. I wouldn't want to try to fit in and bother him, I'll only annoy him.

Why am I wondering about whether he ever thought of love or not? When I can't even be certain for myself. I don't know if I do like him or I just like having him around, I'd have to ask them how it feels.. thinking of this makes me shy.

The teacher finishes and leaves even before the bell rang, I immediately stood and went to my best friends. I held both of their hands, begging with my eyes as I felt so uncomfortable with thinking about it myself. They look at me with worry, mistakenly thinking that I'm about to cry.