Fifty Shades Of Him

Chapter 1 : Welcome to my life

"What if I fall?"

"Oh, my darling, what if you fly?"

-Anonymous

Chapter 1 : Welcome to my life

No, you don't know what its like

When nothing feels alright,

You don't know what its like

To be like me...

To be hurt,

To be lost,

To be left out in the dark

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

To be like me...

Welcome to my life!

As the music soothes me down; with the tune almost sedative and giving me the sensation that someone in this big world is there to understand me and my situation, I get up from my bed in a hope of leaving all the negative vibes behind and make my way to my study table. Sighing, I sit down on my chair and pour the chain of my thoughts on my new journal. A sense of déjà vu washes over me, reminding of the times I cried and poured my heart out scribbling on journals after journals to vent out the vehement feelings, to calm my heart which with every second pumped nothing but acid, leaving burning trails behind. But I promise this journal will be something new...

Dear diary,

Beginnings can be difficult. Even worse when the past you have is overwhelming and full of rue and the future? You are never sure what's going to happen.

Ugh..Well sorry; I won't make this journal like the previous ones too. I need to get this out of my head.

"Cece, think positive"

Whew! Okay so this is my new journal,  as I said, a new chapter but (well yeah there are always buts) the irony of the situation is that the new chapter is just from a story of the past.

Woodsville - a small town yet connected with all the big memories I kept buried, with a promise to never glance at again. Moving out from here was like two years ago. The town has changed a lot. Many people moved out for elite lives and many people remained the same. I also moved out of the town because the town where I felt so secured once was then becoming the sole reason of my misery. Well let's not dwell in the past.... So after two years, now it's the same town but a different house.

Yippee! NOT. Anyhow tomorrow is the first day of my high school. More like hell hole. Its mum's idea of me having fun, making friends and well, what can I do? She has seen enough and has had enough share of misery and I don't want to add more to that. So? I heed to her words to go to school with a smile and try to have a normal life.

Pft, I must feel proud of myself somewhere along the line of being happy but all I feel is trepidation. That sick feeling at the pit of my stomach is gnawing me inside. Bleh! Sucks to be me. But it's not my fault that my own heart doesn't believe in me when I say "It's going to be fine "

Yep consequence of having the heart not listening to my brain. Blame my heart people not me!

Oops, Midnight already. Good night.

-Cecilia Alison Winston.

The chirping of the tiny birds outside engendered me to flutter my eyes open. With the morning sunlight blazing through the window and the systematic rhythm of the moving curtains due to the gentle wind of the morning enlightened the almost debacle hope within me. Yes indeed; the morning had infested hope in me. Well what can I say, that's how I wanted to wake up with the sun blazing ad stuff but nope.