Because of You

Permission to Heal

Oh. My. Goodness. Guys, I have TWO CHAPTERS left of this! And then we're done! That's nuts! We've almost reached the end! So bittersweet. Can't tell you how much your guys's  words and dedication to this story have moved me. Seriously. You all are amazing. I hope you like this chapter. 

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That's where Bellamy found me.

I really didn't want to think how I must've looked, what with my tear-stricken face and swollen eyes. But Bellamy didn't mention it. In fact, he didn't say anything as he took a spot on the floor beside me, both our backs resting against the wall. It reminded me of another scene, of both of us on the side of a rain-soaked road, sitting beneath a tree. 

The sound of our breath filled the silence.

"How's Octavia?" I asked.

From my periphery I saw Bellamy rest his forearms on his knees, fingers dangling over his legs. "Good." An edge suddenly entered his voice. "The quarterback came to see her."

"Lincoln?" I recalled the boy we'd found Octavia chatting with at her formal. The memory of Bellamy's glare still had me wincing in sympathy.

"Was that his name?" Bellamy asked, feigning confusion.

I ignored that deliberate jab. "Is he with her now?"

"He will be, once I give him the message." At my look of disapproval I shot him, Bellamy shrugged. "I figured a couple more minutes won't kill him."

Of course he didn't. "How's your head?"

"I'll survive." He looked up at me, and I felt the lightness of his mood drop a degree. "Wanna tell me what's going on in yours?"

It was my turn to shrug, and I did so with a heavy sigh. "I'm not sure." At least that was the complete truth. "Hard to sort through some things clearly after the day we've had."

"You know you don't have to spend any more of it here, right?" he said, and then quickly amended, "I mean you should probably eat. Sleep. Maybe take a shower."

"Is that your way of telling me that I need one?"

He scoffed. "No. I'm just saying don't feel like you need to stay here, if it, you know, makes you uncomfortable."

"Why would it make me uncomfortable?"

"Isn't it kind of hard? Being back here?"

"My mom works here."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah." I did. "It is and it isn't. This time is . . . it's different." It had a happy ending.

But there were other things vying for my focus now. Other things that were still confusing me, more prominent since they were no longer buried behind that avalanche. I was still trying to understand what they were, because after the initial relief had subsided enough for me to catch my breath, I was surprised to find that I was afraid.

Octavia was okay.

Bellamy was okay.

But I was afraid.

And I wasn't sure why.

"There you two are!"

The emphatic voice perforated the stillness. My eyes flashed over, down the hall to where Maureen was steadily making her way towards us. We must've looked an odd sight, two adults sitting on the floor when there were perfectly good chairs around.

I saw the hesitation crowd her eyes when she looked at my face and again I wondered just how evident the last hour was on my features. But, like Bellamy, she made no comment. "Octavia's asking for you, Clarke."