Hurt Me Harder (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Peace

The falling droplets of water were music against your bare skin. You'd lost track of how long you'd been sitting on the shower floor; the water had long gone cold, but you felt protected by any and all sensations that life could throw at you.

Your legs were slung over Kylo's lap, your face nuzzled with the crook of his neck. For the longest time, he'd been gently stroking your bicep, and once in a while, his hands would carefully rub your shoulders to warm your skin.

The faucet wasn't far, but neither one of you bothered getting up to reach it. If the possibility presented itself, you would have chosen to sit there for the rest of your life as opposed to moving: bare-skinned and protected in Kylo's arms.

Bare-skinned and protected and loved.

He loved you.

Kylo Ren loved you.

Each time you replayed the words in your head, you could feel your heart swell in your chest, and more than once, you feared it might burst. He'd admitted it in whatever words he could manage, but it was more than you could have ever dreamed of. It was more than you ever expected. More than what you could have ever hoped for.

You nuzzled deeper into his arms, wishing you could burrow your way inside of his body until you were no longer your own being, but a part of him.

He must have thought you were asleep, because he seemed to take your movement as permission to move himself. You felt him pull away from you a little just to look down upon you, fingers finding the side of your face to lightly trail your misted skin.

"Are you alright?" he breathed.

"Of course I'm alright," you whispered, leaning to rest your head against his chest, gazing sleepily up at him.

He cocked his head a hairsbreadth to the side, lightly stroking the length of a strand of your hair between rough fingertips. "You've been through a lot tonight," he pondered.

You'd fallen in love long ago with the expression he was wearing in that moment: brows slightly drawn together, jaw as set and as severe as always, but eyes gentle and inquisitive. Like he wanted to dive into your mind, to understand you further. Deeper.

You cracked a soft smile.

"Physically and emotionally," you agreed.

He nodded, and you almost thought you saw a hint of a smile on his lips, too.

"So have you," you reminded him.

Kylo exhaled through his nose. "You don't know how...difficult it's been for me. To be without you."

You blinked. "I think I have a pretty good idea."

"No," he breathed, shaking his head slowly. "You knew who you were and what you wanted. I had to convince everyone in my life, myself included, that I didn't..." the words trailed off, and Kylo's expression softened as he gazed at you.

"You don't have to say it again," you told him. "I know it's hard. But I don't have to hear it. I can feel it."

He nodded, gaze dropping, like he looked a little ashamed. "I'm afraid," he admitted.

"I know."

But if it was your life's mission to teach that man how to stop being afraid, then it would be an honor you'd devote yourself to body and soul.

Suddenly, he took you by the wrist and stretching your arm out to the side, eyes trailing over your skin.

"Are you checking me for bruises?" you laughed.