Worthless- Komahina

Worthless- 2

(please do not ignore this trigger warning!! i would feel terrible if you felt bad while reading this. trigger warning for: descriptions of self harm, self degrading, possible mentions of suicide. please take care of yourself!! if you need to talk to someone, im here.)

Beautiful?

Me?

Of all the things I thought Hinata-kun might have said right then, beautiful was furthest from my expectations. In fact, I was so taken aback that I had no way to respond. Properly at least.

Was that a confession? Why would he ever feel anything but disgust towards me? You made his life a living hell in the simulation. Of course, he hates you. He hates you. He hates you. He hates you. ...shut up, me. You're being stupid. He wouldn't say that if he hated me, right? Why wouldn't he hate you? If I were him, I would hate you. Maybe...you're (I'm?) right. what if he's just feeling sorry for me? I don't need his pity. And I don't need him. You agree with me on that at least? I guess.

"Hajime..." shit. I called him by his first name. idiot. You're an idiot. I can see the obvious surprise in his face, though he doesn't seem embarrassed in the slightest. "uh... Hinata-kun, I mean... why?"

"Why? Why what?" yet again, Hinata seems deep in thought. Like he's actually trying to decipher me. Is that what I am? A code to be cracked? A riddle to be solved? How could he figure you out if even you can't figure yourself out? It's pointless, really. Maybe it is.

"like..." I'm not sure what to say. Something he would like. I have to make sure he doesn't get bored. "what do you... mean?" pfft- that's pathetic. Worthless dumbass. You're going to upset him. I am? Yeah, watch this.

"... what I mean.?" Hinata sighs, obviously irritated. See? "Do I really have to spell it out for you, Komaeda?" his eyes glance to the side, and then back at me. I can't tell if it was supposed to be an eyeroll, or if he just got distracted by something. I'll go with the second option, just to spare my sanity.

"no.. of course, you shouldn't have to do anything at all for me. I'm sorry..." I suddenly stood up, surprising even myself. With a deep bow, I walked away. At least, it started as walking.

"Komaeda, wait! Please!" Hinata's voice was filled with pain, and tears started to sting at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't respond. Instead, I began to run. Away from Hinata, away from that cursed beach, away from myself. I didn't let myself really cry until I was safely inside my locked cabin. And boy did the tears fall. I haven't truly cried in months. I simply didn't think I deserved to feel anything, I still don't, but for some reason I can't stop.

I collapse onto my bed, reduced to nothing more but a sobbing mess. I'm too old to be crying like this. Disgusting. That's disgusting. I cry until I can't anymore, my tear ducts completely drained. I feel... gross. You are gross. Oh, go away. I don't want to hear you. I am you. You really want to get rid of me? Go kill yourself or something.

After making that remark, the horrid voice goes away. I suddenly feel empty, and the room is quiet.

Quiet

Quiet

Quiet

Not the most comfortable feeling, but that's alright. I lay on my bed, trying with all my might not to feel anything. Emotionless, cold, numb. Kind of like Izuru, if you wanted to connect things. Suddenly, a loud noise startles me from my hazy state, and I jolt up in surprise. Speak of the devil. Slowly, I walk towards the door and open it just enough to see out of.