Infinity - Jiara

2nd Chapter: Promise

JJ's POV

Have you ever imagined a scenario in your life where the person you grew up, shared a hell lot of memories and secrets with and is basically your soulmate is gone?
Yeah, me neither. But now you're gone.

3 weeks. Three fucking weeks without you, John B. Three weeks I never thought I would have to go through in my life.

I always imagined if one of us was going to be "gone" it was going to be me, dude. That for the reckless things I do or that my shitty life would get me there.

But even so, I thought we still had a lot in the future, that our crew would win this. That one day you guys would be laughing and I would be joking about all of this in the Hawaii or maybe somewhere fancy in Europe.

But losing you? I've never even dreamed of that in my worst nightmares. I never thought I could feel this fucking intense pain that would take me to the point where I felt completely empty.

You were always here for me. Who else am I going to hold on to?

Kie and Pope have completely vanished from me. I understand that is their way of dealing with this, most of the times I myself like to be all alone, feeling nothing. But I fucking miss them. And I'd really like to see them again, but I'm afraid of what they would think of me.

In these 3 weeks I've done too much. I've been constantly using hard drugs that I steal from my father when he's not looking, my anger issues got worse and I've been having really dark thoughts.

I never thought that your loss would do this to me because I never thought I would lose you.

My relationship with my dad is... Fine I guess.
Man, he didn't dare face me when I'd be at my worst state, because he would be afraid of what I would do. That's what I become. Something my own father is afraid of.
Everytime he tries to fight me, I fight back now, and vigorously. I just want to punch and hurt someone. And I know exactly who I should be doing that to.

Those fucking bastards are still out there. From what I heard, the federals were keeping a low-profile investigation on them, but it's been weeks and nothing.

I just wanna make them pay.

And I know you wouldn't want me to do that, dude, but...
You're not here anymore.

I have been trying to write what I feel sometimes, they say it's some sort of therapeutic shit. But every time I look at the paper, all that is written is something about hurting Ward and his son of a bitch - Ward being that bitch.

As I'm putting the bullets in the gun, I recall a conversation I had with my father these days - Yeah, John B, you heard it right, I had a fucking conversation with that man.

Flashback on

I don't know what all of these thoughts are or what's fucking happenning to me. Why all of sudden all I can think about is making those motherfuckers pay?

Kie and Pope would be so fucking disappointed at me. And so would John B.

Last night I almost killed my father - again. But I broke down before the fight ended and weirdly he just got the gun and left me, with a scared but yet confused look on his face. After that I pretty much broke everything that I hadn't broke already in this house.

I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to clear my head. I need to see my friends, even if they don't want to see me or even if I'm scared about them seeing me like this. I need to give them more credit thought, they were there for me before, they are going to be there for me now and help me calm the fuck down and get some senses.