until i'm nothing

astronomy in reverse (it was me who was discovered)

Tyler was standing on the bench on his tiptoes, peering down the train tracks for any sign of an incoming train. Josh checked his phone again. 11:42. But it was normal for trains to be late, right? He shouldn't worry. If anything, it was giving him a few more minutes with Tyler. He should be grateful.

But he couldn't help feeling anxious. The idea of parting ways with Tyler had been on his mind ever since he first got in his car, and yet, five days later, standing on the platform of a tiny train station in Colorado, he still felt like it would never actually happen. The reality of it still hadn't hit him. It seemed impossible.

His legs burned from their hike last night, and his eyes stung with the need for more sleep. Each blink begged for a longer night, a comfier bed. He hadn't slept well, waking from strange dreams, simple discomfort, or the sound of the storm. But now, thankfully, the rain had passed, clearing the way for sunshine. Josh took the warmth thankfully. He never wanted to be as cold as he was last night.

"Still nothing," Tyler announced from the bench, using his hand as a visor to scan for the train that was now nearly 15 minutes late.

"Tyler," Josh said, balancing between the panic of leaving Tyler and the desire to pass out for a few hours.

"Yeah?"

But he didn't know what to say next. He knew there wouldn't be much time to say goodbye once the train arrived, but he felt like there was so much left to say, so many things that hadn't been said yet.

"Yeah?" Tyler asked again, jumping down from the bench and facing Josh. "What is it?"

Josh swallowed. "There won't be much time... once the train arrives."

Tyler looked down, and it occurred to Josh that maybe this doesn't feel quite real for him as well. "I know." Tyler pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Josh. "Phone number," he commanded.

Feeling relieved, Josh plugged his number into Tyler's phone. At least he wouldn't be gone forever.

As he handed back Tyler's phone, his own phone rang-- Ashley. But he slipped it back in his pocket. He had time for her later, whether she wanted to apologize or yell at him more. He'd listen. But not right now.

"Hey..." Josh looked around at the crowd of people on the platform, brushing past each other, giving farewell hugs. "If... if the car radio ever breaks again, just call me, okay?"

Tyler nodded, a slight smile twitching his lips. He didn't need to ask what Josh meant. "Okay." Then the smile faded, replaced with hesitation. He kicked at the ground. "Hey... can I hug you?"

Josh raised his eyebrows. "Did you just ask permission to hug me?"

"Well, you know," Tyler said, his eyes flicking up to meet Josh's, "As we haven't officially reached the 'friends' status, I didn't want to be too forward."

"Sure," Josh said teasingly, then he opened his arms and Tyler stepped into them. It wasn't like the hug on the roof of the car that one night. It was even, balanced. It wasn't worried that the other would draw away. It was two people who both needed something to hold on to.

They pulled away and smiled at each other, and everything else fell away. It was the kind of smile, the kind of moment, that could make Josh forget what would happen in a few minutes.

A low rumble alerted them that the train had nearly arrived-- Josh looked over his shoulder and spotted the headlight coming around the corner.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," he said, urgently, quietly, needing to say the words before the opportunity got taken from him.