The New American Dream

Part Three: After | Chapter Seventeen

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We went to the nearest mall and on our way I already texted Lilian, asking if she wanted to hang out with me and a friend. We had texted a little bit here and there over the past months, nothing big just checking in with each other. She had texted me when we had uploaded the first video after what had happened and ever since we just made sure the other person was fine.

Lilian agreed and I told her we'd pick her up in a few hours. I didn't want to rush too much in finding a present for her.

Traffic was crazy but that was expected two days before Christmas. Nonetheless Dan was a bit impatient.

"Are you losing your mind?" I asked with a smile.

"Only a little," he replied stiffly, looking ahead.

"Sorry, I didn't think it was gonna be this bad," I said truthfully. I felt a little bad about it.

"Oh, you don't have to apologize for anything, I like spending time with you. It's the stupid people, driving all these stupid cars and not knowing how to properly do it."

Once again the fuzzy feeling spread in my stomach. I laughed and then turned on the radio, hoping for a traffic report. I found one and it turned out there had been an accident not far in front of us and that was why the traffic was jammed.

As if on cue an ambulance whizzed past with flashing lights and the siren on. I hadn't been prepared for that and out of shock I jumped with a little yelp, the siren combined with the lights and the fact that it was so loud reflexively brought tears into my eyes. I had always hated that sound but even more so now, after being that traumatized after what had happened in school. My skin prickled and the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up.

"Holy fuck..." I gasped and wrapped my arm around me.

Dan looked over to me. "Allie are you alright?" he asked concerned.

I slowly nodded and swallowed hard. "Yeah, it's just the ambulance, I wasn't prepared. It's kind of a reflex, I'm a bit traumatized by those."

Another two whizzed past and I put my hands over my ears, closing my eyes and concentrating on something else until they were gone and I felt a hand on my arm, squeezing.

"It'll get better." Dan said with a small encouraging smile.

I nodded. "I know, thank you," I said quietly.

Dan had leaned over to me and he was close enough to me that I felt heat radiating off him. There was a weird feeling in my chest.

Finally the pieces clicked together and I realized that it was the same feeling I had always had when Nate was this close to me. I simply wanted to kiss him. And that confused me more than anything.

"Well, let's hope the traffic will move soon, I don't want to make Lilian wait too long," I quickly said to distract from my heavily beating heart, maybe he could feel it.

Dan took his hand off me again and leaned back into his own seat. "Yeah, let's hope."

It took a while but eventually we reached the mall. We had lost quite some time and all the people around us didn't help, if anything they only made thing worse because my social anxiety kicked in.

"Hey, weird request, but can you hold my hand? I get very anxious around crowds and Nate isn't here..." I trailed off.

Dan smiled. "No problem." He took my hand into his.

I ignored the jump my heart did. Shut up, we don't have time for this now. You're just holding his hand because Nate isn't here.

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