The Varied Path (Akatsuki no Yona Fanfiction)

Chapter 65: Hindsight

"I was right there." There was no anger anymore, only despair at not being able to do more. "I could have saved him."

"There wasn't anything that you could've done." Hak cut in, staring straight into the blazing fire, but his words hit home.

Unbeknownst to him, it was just like what Shin-ah had been telling her.

"He's right." Kija echoed firmly, jaw clenching with conviction. "You did all that you could."

Her hands balled into fists at her side, and she nearly broke the stick her food was on. "It wasn't enough."

"You can't be expected to save all of them, Calista." Jae-ha muttered sadly. "That's too high of a standard."

"He had his whole life in front of him." She closed her eyes as fresh grief washed over her. "I know nothing I can do now will change the past, it's just..."

Her breath caught in her throat as the others patiently waited and she exhaled shakily. "It's a life that I can never get back. He's gone."

Shin-ah stepped out of the tent, dressed back in his usual fluff, and a white tunic that was the spitting image of a certain dragon's.

Calista lifted a finger and pointed questioningly at the garment with a raised eyebrow. Then, she noticed how Kija fidgeted uncomfortably off to the side.

"I was just trying to clean it..." He mumbled forlornly.

"There's nothing left to clean." Jae-ha exaggerated with a dramatic wave of his hand and Hak smirked.

The poor white dragon looked so ashamed and she couldn't help the giggle that slipped out. His intentions behind the action were clear.

"It was a very kind gesture, Kija." Calista noted with sincerity, Shin-ah agreeing with a bow of his head.

He lit up at the acknowledgement, but Yoon just crossed his arms over his chest, letting out an annoyed huff.

"Now I have to mend Shin-ah's clothes." He ground out, jerking the needle and thread. It was a miracle he didn't stab himself with it. He got what he needed out of his medical bag before nearly throwing her satchel at her. "Just what were you two thinking, fighting those bandits?"

Her shoulders deflated at the disapproval, easily mistaking it for disappointment. She caught her satchel without blinking as the open wounds made contact. Shin-ah shot her a worried glance, and Hak narrowed his eyes, catching the movement as well.

"It's not your fault."

Her mouth opened to say otherwise, but shut it at the heavy hand placed on her uninjured shoulder. She looked up to see Shin-ah peering down in concern at her, and lowered her head in defeat.

"Doesn't make it any easier though." She muttered under her breath.

Yona mirrored Shin-ah's action, but her touch was light with uncertainty, delicate features etched with pain.

"In Awa, there was a boy that got killed, do you remember?" She whispered regretfully. "I could have saved him if we had intervened when those officers were wrecking the store, but I didn't. I could have saved him but I didn't step in and now he's gone."

Calista looked down at her feet, wringing her hands in her lap. She remembered how she felt when she told her that. How much she wanted to comfort her with words, but knew that it wouldn't do much. It never did much to help her.

So this time, she opted to open up a little bit instead.

"I always am afraid of being too late." She said so quietly that Yona almost missed it. "There were a lot of people I failed to save in time, and that's the type of thing you never forget. Whether it's one life or twenty, I can't forget their faces and I don't want to."