"Stay," Harry whispers desperately, pressing his lips to Louis' temple like he can somehow ease the pain that's blooming there, but he can't make the pain stop and no matter how hard he tries he can't make Louis stay.
-
{not my story}
COMPLETED
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•••
Besides Harry, Zayn is Louis' favorite.
He loves Niall and Liam, he does, but it feels like they're always too wound up, even when they're gentle, and on anything that isn't a Very Good Day it's hard for Louis to deal with.
Zayn, though, he loves, and he's the only non-family member besides Harry he can see on yellow days (red days are for Harry and Harry only, and sometimes not even then - mostly he just shuts down and when he's awake he stares at the wall like Harry isn't even in the room.)
Zayn is gentle and sweet, always greeting Louis with a, "Hey, babes." There's a lot of cuddling involved but Zayn tells him stories, too, murmuring remember when... and not getting frustrated when Louis doesn't, which is often. Harry can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, because he's read about glioblastoma patients pushing close friends and family away if they feel their business with them is done, and Harry is terrified that one day Louis is going to decide he's just done with Harry.
The doctors assure him that it's very unlikely - Harry is his primary caregiver, his lover, his best friend. He will, most likely, continue to identify Harry until the very end.
But Zayn doesn't treat Louis like he's dying, and hard as he tries Harry just can't do that.
Two weeks, three days and four hours into the New Year, Louis has another seizure. It's worse, because Harry witnesses the whole thing, pressing desperate kisses to Louis' forehead as he begs him, "Just keep breathing, c'mon, darling, I've got you, stay with me a little longer," after it's over and Louis is crying and delirious.
Up until now, Harry's always seen a little spark of hope in Louis' eye, but when Louis reaches out to him from his hospital bed, tucking his face into Harry's arm and begs, "Please just take me home. Please, Harry, just wanna go home," Harry can almost see the light in his eyes go out, burning and flickering like a candle before collapsing into ash and smoke. He doesn't leave Louis alone anymore after that. Mostly he's with him, but if he's not it has to be someone he trusts. One of the other boys, if it's a shorter period of time. Or Jay. Nobody else, though, and even with the aforementioned people Harry feels waves of panic washing over him the entire time he's out, from the second he walks out the door to the second he gets to see Louis' face again.
Louis gets sad when he leaves. Harry does too, but he has arrangements to make, hospital bills to pay, doctors to question, so he picks up the charms hanging from the silver chain around Louis' neck and kisses them.
"Now my love will be with you even when I'm not, and it'll keep you warm until I'm back," he promises. Louis nods, believing every word.
And when Harry is out and worried, mind always chanting Louis Louis Louis is Louis okay is he awake or asleep is he eating is he happy does he miss me, he presses his fingers to Louis' heartbeat on his neck.
It's not a perfect solution, but it helps.
"How is he?" is the first thing out of Harry's mouth after he's said hello to Niall, making a beeline for the chair where Louis is curled up like a cat, presumably asleep and crouching down in front of him.
"He's been out of it for a little over an hour," Niall says sadly, fingers brushing along Louis' arm doing nothing to rouse him. "Good until then, though. We watched Step Brothers and cuddled a bit. I told him I wouldn't tell you about the kissing if he didn't." Niall grins cheekily, holding up his hands defensively, as if to say, just kidding, please don't kill me. "He kept talking about you before, though. Think he wanted you."
"'Course he wants me," Harry says, cupping Louis' cheeks. "I'm his favorite. Right, sweetheart?"
Louis makes a soft, pathetic whining noise as he peeks out at Harry through his lashes, nuzzling into Harry's hand like a kitten.
"Hey, darling," Harry greets him, kneeling down because it's easier for Louis to concentrate if Harry is level with him. Louis' eyes are glassy, and he wipes absently at his nose with the sleeve of his jumper.
"Do I get a goodbye hug?" Niall teases as he gets up to go, looking fairly flustered when Louis laughs and tugs him down and wraps his arms around him, planting a friendly kiss on his cheek. "Bye, Lou." He gives Harry a hug on the way out, giving him the standard, Call me if you need anything.
When Harry returns to where Louis is sitting, Louis looks like he's about to cry, lower lip trembling and Harry wonders absently if he was feeling like this the entire time he was gone, just holding it in.
"Harry," Louis whispers, sounding raspy and sad and Harry makes a mental note not to leave the room until Louis is feeling okay again.
"Yeah, babe. I'm here." Harry frowns, examining Louis' eyes carefully to make sure he's actually here. "I think you're yellow right now. Is that right?"
Louis nods once. "Sad," he whimpers before burying his face in Harry's arm, and Harry scoops him up, pulling the blankets off the chair before he sits down with Louis in his lap, arranging the blankets around him neatly.
"Why are you sad?" Harry asks, fully prepared to get nothing in response. Louis is like that lately; unable to fathom how, why, even what.
So he's more than a little surprised when Louis blinks at him and mumbles, "Missed you." He's fidgeting with the necklace Harry got him for his birthday, holding it so tight like he's scared it's going to disappear.
Harry's heart is truly in his throat now. "Oh, baby," he croons, pressing a kiss to Louis' forehead. He can't stop kissing him nowadays, can't stop touching him, can't stop assuring Louis that he loves, loves, loves him to the moon and back. "Missed you, too. Missed you more, in fact. Way more."
Louis bites his lip and shakes his head. "Not possible."
It's the most responsive he's been in a few days, and Harry wants to take full advantage of it. "Are you hungry?"
Louis shakes his head. Harry sighs. Good things never did come easy.
"Okay, let's try this again. If I make soup, will you try to eat some?"
Louis nods this time, pursing his lips and gazing absently at the wall. Eating is hard, lately - he's never ever hungry and always so, so tired and the doctors have told Harry this is normal as time goes on, which Harry knows is code for as we get closer to the end but it's still terrifying, watching Louis look like he's going to waste away into nothingness.
Louis manages several spoonfuls of soup that night, snuggled up with Harry in bed while they watch Anchorman. Louis falls asleep halfway through, breathing soft and even but Harry keeps his ear pressed to his chest the entire night long, eventually drifting off to the even lull of Louis' heart, the same one that's inked into the back of his neck. It's a good night.
