Far From Grace

The Day He Left

The rain hit Deans head hard and fast, making the words Castiel was saying blurry.

"I'm sorry Dean, but you are selfish, and I cannot stay with you any longer. I wish you well." He said in a stone voice.

This wasn't happening. There was no way that Castiel was saying goodbye to Dean. His Dean. That's what dean kept telling himself.

But stood outside Bobby's, looking into Castiels eyes, his heart exploded in his chest when he found no love for him. The eyes that used to smile with a warm love towards the green-eyed man, were now filled with cold indifference.

"Cas, I... I don't know what I did wrong! Please, I love you!" He sobbed, clutching onto his chest that hurt like hell.

"Goodbye Dean."

And with those two words, the Angel was gone. His angel was gone, forever. The oldest Winchester fell to his knees in the mud, screaming from the feeling of his chest tearing open.

He heard the door open behind him, felt hands on his shoulders and arms, and knew Bobby and Sam were there. But Dean didn't care. Because all he wanted... was Cas.

————— 10 months later —————

He was done. Dean Winchester was completely and utterly done. He hurt, and he was broken. Nobody cared, not Sam, not Bobby, not... not Castiel. Tears dripped down his face as he stared at himself in the mirror.

His gaze rose to the noose tied to the ceiling. He could do this, he could. He wanted to. He needed to. Because dean, he wasn't scared of death, he was more afraid of living any longer. After Castiel left, he tried everything he could to punish himself. He stopped eating, and now he could count his ribs through his paper-thin skin. He cut himself, and he couldn't honestly count how many scars and fresh cuts he had anymore. He hadn't slept until he would pass out, he couldn't calm his mind enough to.

But none of that lasted, the pain was temporary. He wanted the pain to be permanent. So, he slowly walked up to the noose.

Now, Dean always thought that he would be killed by some kind of supernatural creature. Or hell, maybe he'd luck out and die of old age. But that seemed too far away, and dean wanted all of the voices in his head telling him how useless he was to just stop.

He didn't hesitate, not once.

Not when he stood on the chair and slipped his neck into the noose.

Not when he started laughing maniacally, looking up to the sky, praying one last time to Castiel.

Not when he kicked the chair out from under himself.

——————————————————-

Sam and Bobby walked in the doors, both their arms filled with groceries. They didn't have any new leads on hunts, so they knew they would need to stock up on food for at least a few days.

"Dean, come help get the bags!" Bobby called up the stairs, watching as Sam began to unpack the groceries and put them in different cabinets.

Bobby went outside to get another load, and furrowed his brows when dean still hadn't come down.

"Maybe he's sleeping." Shrugged Sam.

Bobby just shrugged, knowing if the kid was sleeping he needed it. He wasn't anything but a bag of bones with black eye bags anymore. He had been since Cas left him.

"Go check on him would ya Sam?" He asked, going to put the refrigerated things in the refrigerator.

Sam nodded as he quickly walked up the steps towards his brother. Something was wrong, he could feel it. So when his brothers door was locked, he began to panic.

"Dean, Dean open the door!" He yelled.

With no response, Sam didn't hesitate as he kicked the door down.

A scream ripped out of his throat as he saw his brother slowly turning, hanging from a noose. He quickly ran up to his legs and held his legs up, taking the pressure of the rope off of his neck.

Bobby ran upstairs after Sam screamed, and the gallon of milk he was holding fell out of his hand, crashing onto the floor and spilling when he saw Sam holding dean up to keep from choking.

"Call 911!" Sam yelled at Bobby, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Bobby fumbled with his phone, quickly dialing 911 and putting it on speaker, running over to cut the rope off of the ceiling.

"911 what's your emergency?" A lady's voice rang through the other end.

"My brother, he tried to kill himself! I need an ambulance, right now!" Sam screamed.

"Okay sir, what's your address?" She asked calmly.

Bobby finally cut through the rope as deans body slumped down and into sams hands, who sat down with him in his lap, rocking them both gently from side to side.

"2194 Kripke Lane!" Sam sobbed out, holding Dean tight as Bobby gently removed the rope from around the boys neck.

"Okay sir, an ambulance is on the way, five minutes out. Is he breathing?" She asked.

Sam hesitantly looked at his chest, and he almost threw up when it didn't move after a minute.

"No! He's not, please hurry!" He cried.

"Sir do you know how to give CPR?" She asked.

"I do!" Bobby yelled, he he kneeled down to be beside the boys.

He looked at Sam to lay dean down, which he did after a moment, knowing CPR couldn't be given in his lap. Bobby quickly got to work, giving him CPR as Sam talked to the woman on the phone about what was happening.

Eventually they heard a knock on the door, with the ambulance people shouting to be let in.

"Sir, the ambulance crew is saying they are locked out, can you please go let them in?" The lady asked Sam.

"Tell them to kick the door down!" He sobbed, not willing to leave his brother.

The younger Winchester heard the door being kicked down as the EMTs came running through the door, dropping down in front of dean and getting to work. Bobby grabbed a hold of Sam, seeing how he looked like he was going to faint.

Both of them watched, horrified, as the medics cut off deans shirt, revealing his stomach and hipbones that popped out of his skin, and the multiple bleeding cuts from his wrists.

Bobby pulled Sam into a hug as the younger let out a sob. How could he not see this?

The medics quickly got dean on a stretcher, taking him outside and into the ambulance.

"Meet us at Starling General." One of them said, before the doors closed and they were off.

But there was something Sam needed to do before they left.

He quickly prayed to Castiel, hearing the fluttering of wings.

"Sam, are you okay? I haven't heard from you since-" Sam cut him off as he punched him straight in the face, making the angel fall back onto his ass.

"Fuck you Castiel! Fuck you and everything you did to my brother!" Sam sobbed out, being help back by Bobby as he tried desperately to throw another punch at the angel.

Bobby threw Sam into the impala, running to the driver side. They had to get there for Dean.

"Dean? Is he okay?" Castiel asked, heart sinking in his chest.

"He just tried to commit suicide, he's at Starling General. I don't suggest you go unless you have an intent to apologize and stay this time." Bobby huffed out, getting in the front seat.

Castiel was gone in an instant.