The Sloan's Daughter

feel the fear and do it anyway

"Do you want to do it?" Clara's mother asked. Recently, Clara had been considering an amniocentesis- a procedure in which amniotic fluid is removed from the uterus for testing to eliminate the possibility of birth defects. With the mention of Down Syndrome, the amniocentesis had been brought up by Arizona, and it barely ever left Clara's mind.

"I don't know. I think... maybe? Did you ever get one with me or Sam?" she had a lot to think and talk about. She had to discuss it with Nick still. He had missed the last appointment, so this was all new to him. "I don't care if the baby does have it, I just would like to know."

"I didn't. You both were healthy as could be." she gave her daughter a sympathetic frown. It was a big decision to make, especially for such a young girl. "We can discuss it after school, if you want."

Clara nodded. "Nick and I are going to go over the pros and cons at lunch, once I tell him." She said, which finished that conversation. She grabbed her sweatshirt off the kitchen chair and pulled it over her head. She had been wearing one everyday since her tiny bump had popped out. It was not big, but it was there. And she wasn't risking showing it off to the whole school. She frowned at the way it had gotten snug around her waist. She pulled it off her stomach, trying to loosen it, and grabbed her bag. She loved her baby, and she found her bump adorable. However, she didn't like the way it had to make itself known. It was all so unnerving. Six months from now, a little snot goblin would be in her arms, and she would love it beyond measure.

"Can you remind Dad my fan broke? I get so hot at night and I truly feel like I'm going to die without it." she explained, to which she got a nod and chuckle at her dramatics. "Bye, mom. Love you." And she walked out of the house.

As promised, Nick and Clara were discussing the amniocentesis. Ellis was right next to them, giving her two cents. "I mean, does it really matter if we know now?" Nick asked.

"Well, no. But don't you want to be prepared for it?" Clara responded. Ellis mumbled something in agreement—or, as unlikely as it was, disagreement—as she chewed her pizza slice. Clara scribbled down Prepared on the pros side of their pros and cons list.

"Let's consider the risks," Ellis advised, trying to get some kind of answer from the two. "What are they?"

"These are all rare," Clara warned. "Infection, injury to the baby or mother, preterm labour, and miscarriage. But that's a one in one-thousand to one in forty-three-thousand chance. It's less than one percent." Besides reciting the risks in her head so many times she memorized them, she had inherited her mothers photographic memory. In cases like this, it was very useful.

"No," Nick immediately said.

"Why not?" she responded. As calm as she sounded, she was terrified of those risks. But they were rare, and she wouldn't let herself forget it.

"Because, Clara!" he raised his voice. He let out a breath, relaxing. "Because, Clara. I'd rather have a baby with Downs than no baby,"

"And you think I don't? This'll detect much more than just Downs. It'll eliminate so many different things. Like Spina Bifida, Cerebral Palsy, and obviously Down Syndrome," she explained. "I just want to be prepared."

"Okay, okay..." he sighed, dropping his head in his hands. "You already made up your mind. So, let's do it." he finished. "I have to go." Nick packed up his lunch and left them. He needed a break from all of it.

Clara sighed along with him. A seventeen-year-old shouldn't have to make these decisions. Yet, she doubted it would be any easier if she were older. Tough decisions were a part of pregnancy, and she was learning it now.

"Anyway," she broke the awkward silence between the two. "what's going on with you?" asked Clara. She hadn't realized how absorbed she had been in her own life until now. She suddenly felt so guilty, although it wasn't totally her fault. She had a ton on her plate.

"Nothing. Same as you, minus the baby." Ellis shrugged. There was a lot more than that, and her best friend could tell. After a minute of staring at Clara's raised eyebrows, she finally broke. "Zola's gone to college, and I hate it. Bailey is so annoying and he leaves his shit everywhere. My parents don't get after him because 'He's an adult now, Ellis. He can do it himself.'" she said in a tone mocking her parents.

~~~

When Clara returned home, she told her mom her decision, so Lexie called and booked an appointment. The three days leading up to it went by faster than ever. Now, Clara laid on the exam room bed, clutching her moms hand in her own. Her dad was right next to her, stroking her hair. Nick couldn't make it. Some big biology test, or something. She tried not to look over at the needle as Arizona prepped for the procedure. She never imagined herself doing this. Ever. But especially not now.

"It'll be okay. Arizona is the best in the country." Mark whispered, planting a kiss by Clara's ear. He could feel the fear oozing off of her.

Arizona pressed the ultrasound transducer just above Clara's belly button. "Deep breath for me." she instructed. She inserted the needle when Clara inhaled. She frowned at her small whine. Women's opinions on the pain differed, but for Clara it was no more than uncomfortable. She had period cramps worse than it before. The whine came from fear. Once the needle was in, there was no turning back. A few seconds later, the needle was pulled out again. She held gauze over the small dot of blood, then covered it up with a bandaid. Typically she would just use gauze and medical tape, however she liked to give Clara the colour bandaids. It was their thing. "All done. Take it as easy as you can for the next three days. We'll call you with the results either today or tomorrow."

Lexie nodded, rubbing her thumb over Clara's knuckles. She helped her up and assisted her back to the car. "I have to go back to work. If you're hungry, I left you food in the fridge. Please take care of yourself. Or ask dad to." She kissed her daughter's head before quickly kissing her husband and returning to the hospital. Mark was going to take Clara home, since she couldn't drive.

"How do you feel?" he asked, reaching for her hand after turning the engine on.

"Sore, nauseous, and scared," she frowned. "Anything could go wrong in the next three days. I can't lose this baby. I know I act like they're an inconvenience a lot, but they're not. I'm just so scared of everything right now. I love them so much." she covered her face with her hands as her voice cracked.

"I know," he squeezed her hand tighter. "I was terrified when your mom was pregnant with the both of you. It wouldn't be parenthood without a little bit of fear. But, Clara, you're going to be okay. This baby isn't going anywhere. They would be insane to leave behind such a loving mom. They got so lucky with you." he reached over and wiped her tears away. "Whatever happens, I'm right here. I love you so much, Clary." She would forever and always be his little girl.