Eclipse

Twenty-One

"No, definitely not. He's more of a teacher, mentor, father figure." I said but Heeler made a face that said he didn't believe me. 

Whatever. I'm not lying, dating Coeus just sounds wrong and I'm pretty sure Coeus agrees. I dove into Heeler's mind to see if he deserved to be conscious before Coeus had the chance.  

Heeler's POV

Ever since Ellie, or I guess Eclipse walked into our kitchen I've just been standing here in shock. I have so much to say, so much to explain and so much to apologize for. 

I don't even know what happened for most of it and I have no idea how I can tell her everything that happened and how much I regret literally everything. 

I guess from what I've learnt today it must've been the stars controlling me to make Ellie's life worse but I still feel like I should've been able to fight it off. 

When she died it seemed like a switch went off in my head. I felt like I was drowning in regret and noticed a couple others looking the same. When I got home and Chris heard she was dead he looked devastated and I couldn't help but feel even more guilty.

I never wanted to tell anyone about what happened but eventually Jack told everyone what we did. Sarah didn't talk to me for 3 years and I haven't spoken to Alex since. 

Once he found out he left our pack permanently. I don't know where he went, he refused to tell anyone but Sarah and she refused to tell me. I just wanted to apologize to him, to everyone. I don't know what I was doing or thinking. 

Once I met Sarah I started feeling the change. I was just randomly filled with overwhelming rage and sometimes I would actually lose consciousness around Eclipse, completely unaware of what was happening until Sarah yelled at me about it later. 

I remember asking myself in my head what the fuck I was doing but I couldn't stop myself. It was like I couldn't even think of Ellie without wanting to kill everything and everyone. Once she died I had that same feeling thinking about her but for the complete opposite reason.

I was so mad at myself, Jack, Jasmine, Jade and even Chris for not stopping us. I spent a few months isolated in my room once Sarah left me, when I felt like I had no-one and nothing. Ellie was like family. She was so innocent and sweet and didn't deserve anything she was given. 

I'm so beyond happy she's this powerful god now but I can see in her eyes that she's broken. She can barely even look at me. 

I don't blame her, if it were me I would've put up all these walls after one minute in her life, I don't know how she was strong enough to be so positive and last as long as she did. 

When I thought about her strength it reminded me that I can't just lock myself up and dwell on my problems, pitying myself and shutting myself off from the world. 

Life isn't easy, nothing's going to be handed to you. If she could remain so positive and continue living with all that Blood Thunder pack, her parents, Belle Foret pack, her mate and whoever the fuck Darius was did then I sure as hell couldn't continue moping around in my room.

When the realization hit me I pulled myself together and went after Sarah. It took a long time but she eventually forgave me and we were back on track. She knows I regret everything and she's strong and forgiving, just like Ellie and gave me another chance.

I have 2 kids now. A boy and a girl, twins. I've gotten pretty old and will probably start aging into it soon. I know I don't have much life left and I just want to finally make peace with Eclipse. I know she can probably never forgive me but I have to try or I'll regret it forever. 

I used all of the money she gave me on my kids and I don't have the money to repay her. If I'd know she was alive I would've saved up. I sure as hell don't deserve anything she's given me. 

Just as I was about to explain everything and start apologizing in every way possible she held up her hand to stop me. 

I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to hear what I had to say either. I would just let her kill me, I deserve it but my kids don't. I flinched when she approached me, closing my eyes in preparation when I felt her wrap her little arms around my waist. 

I looked down in shock to see her hugging me, looking up with glassy eyes, occasionally letting out a small tear that she didn't bother whipping away. 

"I'm so sorry." She whispered and I just looked down at her in confusion.

"Wh-what?" I can't believe how much I'm stuttering. I'm a strong man, a gamma. I don't stutter, I don't get nervous. 

"I'm so sorry you went through all that when I died. It wasn't your fault you were used to make my life a ball of shit. You were the greatest friend until they started controlling you.

"B-but I betrayed you so much! I told everyone you were dying after you told me it in confidence and I tried to fucking kill you and-"

She shushed me, hugging me tighter. 

"None of that is your fault. " she said firmly

"Well it sure as hell isn't yours!" I exclaimed, getting frustrated with the whole situation. 

I sighed, hugging her back and trying my very best a holding back my tears as they attempted to slip out of my eyes. I failed and probably looked constipated with how hard I was trying. 

I swear I'm not a crier and I was wetting her cute little cowboy hat that we were weirdly still wearing. 

Eclipse's POV

Heeler and I talked for a while after I read his mind. I saw Sarah again and met their and Chris' children. When I saw Jade again she just kept yelling about what an idiot she was for ruining such 'a fucking pure ass angel's life'. 

She was pretty hysterical and it took her a long time to calm down with both Chris and I trying to her assure her that it was all okay. 

Their kids were all so sweet and had apparently even heard stories about Auntie Eclipse which yes is what I insisted they all call me even though they're all 30s and thinking about having kids of their own soon.

Because supernaturals stop aging until they're 80 they looked like they were the same age as their parents who hadn't started showing their age yet. It was a little odd considering we just looked like a group of friends, not generations of family.

I introduced Coeus to everyone and he instantly got along, sharing his wisdom and horrible jokes with everyone. It was so nice to finally move past that block with all of them. I was pretty upset about Jack, who by the way was still lying unconscious in the kitchen with Jasmine who burst in while Heeler and I were hugging. 

I really thought he was a friend but I think I got a good amount of closure. I'm a god now and he no longer has any power over me. I can move on and stop trying to push this to the back of my mind, trying to pretend it never happened. 

Did I still have trust issues? Undoubtedly. 

But it felt good to get this weight off my chest anyways. 

I knew I only had two more people to see and it definitely definitely wasn't going to go well. I was pretty hopeful for a while that I was wrong and that we weren't going to see them but by the look on Coeus' face when we left Belle Foret I was very right.