Stop: A Short Story

Chapter Four: Health

I wake up to the beeping of my alarm clock. It feels like a boombox is beep in my head. Asprin shouldn't have calories. 

I hit the off button and get up. Asprin next to my bed, it rips through my throat in one dry gulp. Time to go for my morning jog. Yay, so excited. Not really though, I find myself getting tired more easily these days. Not that it matters, all that matters is the number on the scale.

The scale. time for my 5000th weigh in, at least that's what it feels like. Once in the morning and as of recently, once at night too. It's like I just have to know. Without wasting any more time, I strip and hop on. 140. I've hit my target weight! And It's only been two days since the incident. I was too scared to weigh myself yesterday. I can't believe it! Ha! I guess those laxatives and the purging actually helped. April 1st and I've finished the ABC diet, and gotten to my goal weight. Question is.. What now?

March 12th

I don't really know what to write. I mean there's no point in continueing this journal, because I've hit my target weight. That was my goal from the begining and now it's over. But why do I still see fat in the mirror? Maybe it's just something that takes time. Yeah, I'm sure it's just the fact that I need to get used to my new weight, and figure it out from there. 

I get up from my desk and walk my elephant- no. I move my pig legs to my computer. Since I don't need to lose anymore weight, I guess I should delete my thethinlife account. For whatever reason, I feel a tug of sadness when I think about deleting the account. I don't know why, I just want to keep it. I mean, I would never have lost weight if it weren't for that site. Maybe I'll just keep the account, and be like a mentor for other users. Yeah, that makes sense. While I'm at it, I better find out how other users have maintained their weights once they got to their goal.

After my little research party, I decided to go shopping. It's something I haven't done in a long time. Unfortunately my mother caught me on my way out and invited herself. Great. 

So we haded to the mall and of course the first store we hit is one of her old lady fashion type store. She went on and on with the sales woman about how mature buisness wear was so in. Gag much? So after suffering through that we went to the food court where I noticed something really weird.

My mother, usually calm and cool seemed, for just a moment, really... scared? Like she had an expression that I could only describe as pure terror. When I asked her what was wrong, she actually looked so soft, like I could tell her anything in the world and she could tell me anything. I had the instinct to hug her! I haven't felt that way in years. It was so real. Anyway, she almost told me what was wrong, but then her face changed, like the turn of a clock almost, she shut down. 

"Let's go. You don't look like you need any food anyways." She said, sharply.

It was such a shocking and hurtful statement. It was so sudden, I felt like she had just slapped me.

Now I remember why I hate shopping.

March 14th

I'm not sure what to do today. It's Saturday and that usually means I'd go for my 30 minute jog, but since I don't need to lose anymore weight I think, why bother? But then I remember what some of the girls were saying on the website, that you have to keep up exercise and eating healthy or you'll just gain it all back.

Okay so I get dressed and head out. I've actually started to like jogging, the wind in my hair, the sweat slowly trickling down the back of my neck. The warm sun on my face, even the way my chest gets tight, like it's hard to breath. Because I get out of breath, I'll usually stop at the 30 minute mark, but today I decided that I should push myself. Maybe if I start doing an hour 3-4 times a week, I'll be able to eat whatever I want and still maintain. Maybe I could lose even more weight.

After my jog, I jump in the shower and get dressed. Today I think I'll plan my next course of action. Like what am I going to eat? How much weight do I want to lose? All these answers can be found on thethinlife.com of course, thank god. 

I decide to check my bmi, it's 20. The average range is 18-24. I feel my stomach sink, it feels like someone has punched my stomach up into my chest. After all this work, I'm just normal? I don't want to live my life average, I know that I can do better. I can be better. My mom once told me that the models she works with that are my height, are 120. A bmi of 17.2, not too unhealthy, but also not in the "average" range. Then it's settled.

New goal weight: 120lbs