Stop: A Short Story

Chapter Eight: The Gym

May 1st

Sorry that I've missed writing in you. All my time has been in the gym though. Today, I managed to burn 800 calories in an hour! That's a new record. My mom has stopped coming with me, the last time we came she got mad because I was burning more calories than her.

She's stopped eating dinner as well. Dad comes home and orders pizza now, but this is perfect because he doesn't care if I eat or not, he doesn't even notice. So I've been eating 400-600 calories and burning it all off most of the time.

Something terrible happened though. My Dad was looking for something in my bathroom, the idiot, and he slipped on my scale! It's now broken because he just had to have his fat ass fall on it. He was more mad that I was concerned about my scale more than I was for him. At this point, I don't care. My thoughts of thin are consuming.

May 2nd

Today when I went to the store to buy the scale, I blacked out. It's a good thing that I woke up before that old lady called the cops. I'd rather die then go to a hospital. I'm smart enough to know that what I'm doing is unhealthy, but I can't help it. The thoughts are overwhelming and there's no stopping them. It's much easier to just give in.

May 3rd

So I weighed myself. I'm now a piggish 120, rather than a whaleish 127. Instead of getting to be happy about this, about hitting my goal weight for modelling, my mother has to tell me that someone at the store told their daughter who told her sister who told her friend who told my mother that I passed out at the store. So she uses this as an excuse to get me to stop working out and is now watching me like a fucking hawk. 

May 4th

So now I'm sitting here on my fat ass doing nothing. I can feel the lard pooling from my gut to my thighs, squeezing me, threatening to sink into my bones. I run my hands, feeling the bones in my wrist, my collar, and my hips. I can't really see any of my ribs yet, but I feel them, just below a fine lawyer of fat. 

May 6th 

Okay it's certainly felt like a week by now. My ass sure feels a week bigger. Today I snuck out 2 hours before mother usually wakes and I went on a run. Of course I got way too into it and I came back an hour late. My dad saw me come in and said "You're mom's not going to be happy." Then she came in. It's almost like she enjoyed screaming at me. So now I'm in my room "packing" for Grandma's. This is what my mother does, she threatens to ship me to Grandma's where I can rot, and then Dad calms her down and I get to stay. I'm honestly over it.

May 12th 

My mothers not speaking to me but the good news is that I'm now 118lbs. The trip to LA is still on and my I just know that I'm going to be a great model! As soon as I lose these last 8 pounds, then I'll be perfect.