Forgiveness (Under revision)

Chapter Thirteen

"What happened? Why are you guys holding hands?" I heard Brooklyn asks us. Audrey smiled.

"We're friends," she replied.

"But I thought you were angry at her for... for Finn liking her," Amara sputtered out. Audrey's face changes quickly, but she changed it into a fake smile just as quick. I wondered if I imagined it.

"No. She said she didn't like Finn. There is no need to be mean," she replied smoothly. I almost believed her. I did believe her.

"Wait. You don't like Finn?" all three of them asked me at the same time. I felt my face get hot.

"I mean... I do," I started. Audrey looked surprised.

"But not in that way. He is nice. He is a friend,"I recovered quickly. Her expression changed back to her fake smile and she gave my other roomates a look.

"See? Eila's nice," she pressed. They nod but weren't as convinced as me. I could tell.

"Okay then," Aria mumbled. They all let us sit. I felt Audrey smile as she included us all in conversation.

"Want to all play some games at social time together?" Audrey asked us.

"Sure," Brooklyn agreed. The rest of us nod. Finn just sits beside us quietly. They continued with their conversation. Audrey filled us in on what Meredith told her. Apparently she was doing good in class so by the end of the year Meredith wanted to level her up.

We all congratulated her. When the bell rang we all went back to the room. Finn followed behind.

"Do you mind if I borrow Eila for social time?" he asked quietly when we reach the door. Everybody nodded but Audrey doesn't seem to happy about it. He realized that and quickly jumped in.

"I just want to talk to her about knife throwing," he covered. Audrey wasn't convinced but she didn't resist either.

"Go ahead," she mumbled. With that Finn led me off toward the hall. I followed him at a distance. Things were so awkward between us now. I hated it.

"Eila. I want to talk to you about... earlier," he said, leading me into a room. I realized that this was his classroom.

"What about earlier?" I asked, playing dumb. Of course I knew what he's talking about. I would rather not acknowledge it though. Instead I went with a safer topic.

"Is it about me beating you in combat?" I asked with a little laugh. It was forced and he could tell.

"No..." he said slowly, sitting on a chair on the side of the training room. I pulled up another chair and sat beside him. The echo of the chair dragging against the floor filled the silence for enough time for him to work up his courage.

"Then what?" I pushed. I knew what's coming.

"I wanted to talk to you about...liking me," he mumbled looking ashamed. I stared for a second. Studying his features. He'd never looked this down. This open. This vulnerable. I felt pity form in the pit of my stomach.

I felt bad for him.

"What about it?" I asked in a soft tone. I felt like one touch would shatter him completely. My insides squirmed as he moved slightly closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating of his body now.

"I want to know... what you really think about me," he whispered. I withdrew from him. He was making it to hard to think. What I thought of him? No. What I really thought of him. I didn't know the answer. Audrey was right. He was good looking. But I didn't want him. I wanted Everest. I had Everest.

But I didn't know. Finn was nice. Kind. Outgoing. Strong. Competitive. Cursed. Finn was like me. Cursed. He would be the closest to me. And I could have him. I could be cursed with him. But... I loved Everest. I didn't know if things would be the same with us anymore though. I had so many secrets I hid from Everest, while not with Finn. I told Finn everything. Finn could relate with everything.

Finn was me. We reflect each other. Everest. Everest was more like the life I wished I had. I didn't even know if Everest still cared for me. He was probably off. In Benile. With a girlfriend. He was probably happy.

No. He wasn't happy. Because he was at war. Love was so complicated. Because I didn't know. I didn't know the answer to this. I liked Finn. I liked Everest. Finn was my reflection. Everest was my wish.

"I... don't know," I finally whispered to him. I didn't even know if he was still there. I was in my thoughts for about five minutes already. I began to think he'd left until I felt an arm on my shoulder. I didn't pull away. I should've. I didn't. He  took that as a sign and scooted closer.

"Forget Everest. Tell me what you think of me. Tell me my flaws," he said. I looked him in the eye.

"I think you're nice, kind, and strong. You're competitive. You're cursed. I feel like I am like you. I love Everest because I've known him so long. He is protective of me. So are you I suppose. Everest has a perfect life. He isn't cursed. He lives in Benile. He is happy. I feel like he is a dream. I wish I had a life like him. The thing is I don't. I am cursed. Like you. You are reality to me. I feel like being with you is more real than being with him. It's kind of like choosing between you is choosing between lives. His life is better but... it isn't realistic. Does that make sense?" I asked him. He stared at me as the words sink in. He nodded after a minute.

"I understand."

"Thankyou," I whispered to him. He smiled at me.

"Will you at least try to like me?" He whispered hopefully in my ear. Hope. In darkness comes hope.

"Yes," I whispered back at him. Because I could at least try. For Finn I would try. With that last word he pulled me to him. Resist. Pull away. Don't let him. A voice demanded at the back of my head. I knew that voice. It was Everest's voice. But I didn't resist. I promised I would try. And I am trying. So I stay still as he brushed his lips against mine.