Black and White

『 One 』

(A/N - Hi guys! Hope you all enjoy this book - I've been legit ecstatic over writing this and finally getting round to starting it after 8 months worth of planning 😅💕 Be sure to add this to your libraries and comment, and enjoy the book!!)

It's not the place that's bothering you, it's the thought.

I stared blankly up at the ceiling, desperately trying to regain control over the erratic gasps of air I was taking, which served as breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth, slowly and steadily, repeat the sentence...

It's not the place that's bothering you, it's the thought.

Not the place, the thought. Just a thought.

Letting out a shaky breath, I sat up and rubbed my palms against the duvet's soft material, closing my eyes for a moment and sighing. The murmurs of twisted memories and possibilities died down as my heart rate gradually returned to its normal pace. It's always the same nightmare.

I pushed the duvet off of my body and slipped out of bed, pulling a hoodie over my head and parting my curtains a little. The sky was a sleepy pink-blue streak, still quite dark. It was fairly early in the morning, everything hushed apart from my now even breathing. Grabbing my pillow, I set it down on the floor beside the long window that overlooked the streets of my town and occasional early workers' cars passing by. I watched the calm scenery of the outside, absent-mindedly musing over the things I block myself from thinking about in the day. Big mistake.

The watery sting of forming tears suddenly threatened me, and I wrapped my arms around my legs, pulling them into my chest and blinking hard.

'Don't let them spill, don't you dare let them spill,' I urged myself silently, biting down hard on my bottom lip. 'Stop thinking so much, or you won't be able to stop. And they'll see. You know they'll see--'

That was enough to stop myself, and I rubbed my eyes determinedly, sighing and getting up off the floor. I had won again.

I was doing well so far. Sticking to positivity and optimism. Literally, if optimism was a person, she'd be me. That was my goal, and so far, I was succeeding. The close calls are when I'm alone - often at night, when that extra energy to hold it together disappears since there's no one around to catch me out. All negativity had to be gone by the time I needed to get ready for school. It was the start of the last year of sixth form, so positivity and my normal happy self needed to kick in quick.

Usually, sleep comes at the right time, but then the nightmares come to attack randomly, cruelly, at unpredictable and weakening moments. But I almost always pull myself together again, in time for the morning where the sun rises and the day starts. The day is my saviour. Night is my worst enemy.

So I started my normal routine. Positive music, bright clothes, all of that. Daylight start to filter in through the windows, making it all the easier to keep going. The dark memories were pushed away into the background as I grabbed my bag and jacket and headed downstairs to get a breakfast bar, stuffing my lunch in my bag too just as my dad walked into the kitchen groggily.

"Off to school?" He mumbled in acknowledgement, switching the kettle on and running his hands through his messy brown locks. "Good. Good. Oh, and tell your mother," he added, tone changing significantly at the mention of her, "that I'm working overtime today. We've got a massive property up, and a massive amount of people wanting in. So she's gonna have to step up and be here while I'm not. Okay?"

I nodded with a slight smile. "Sure. Good luck with the property, dad. I'm sure you'll get great results with it. See you later then."

He smiled slightly and nodded at that, patting me on the shoulder and pouring himself a coffee as I left the room, slipping my pumps on and opening the front door, where my friends were lingering impatiently outside.