Paris In The Rain [h.s]

19

"Can we call a truce so I can kiss you?" He mumbles while placing his hands underneath my shirt on my waist, tracing small patterns with his thumbs on my skin.

"That all depends on you," I reply, placing my hands on either side of his face, "You have to admit that I won."

He laughs softly, the sound warming my heart as his eyes sparkle, "You won," he says with ease and I smile, my hair falling down into my face as I lean closer to him.

His hands brush my hair away as our lips connect in a soft and sweet kiss, the paint on our cheeks and noses rubbing off onto each other's skin. I couldn't seem to get close enough to him as I pressed my body into his, feeling his warmth radiating through the material of his shirt.

My heart was hammering against my chest and I knew that Harry could feel just how fast it was beating by the way he smiled slightly into the kiss, his cold rings causing me to shiver as they pressed into my skin. The heat between my legs was growing more and more unbearable with each touch of his lips and graze of his fingertips.

I place my hand on his chest and pull away from him. He let out a small whine from our lack of connection and opens his eyes that were glazed over with lust. "What's wrong?" He breathes as his chest rises and falls heavily.

"I need to be getting home. I told McKenna I'd be back tonight," I explain as I climb off of him.

At this point, I felt as if I was just leading him on now and I felt so guilty about it. It wasn't that I didn't want him. I did - I really did - and by the bulge in his pants I could tell he wanted me too. It was just the thought of letting another man see my body completely naked that was making me queasy and hesitant.

Granted, I had worn bikinis in front of him, but that was a whole different situation than when you were about to have sex.

Niall was the first man I ever let see me completely vulnerable right in front of him, and even then I felt insecure.

I think every woman - and man - in the world has insecurities about their body and it's because of the expectations set by men and women. I grew up being insecure about everything that dealt with my body, only to later realize that I didn't need to be insecure. Meeting those expectations was something I didn't need to focus on or worry about. I only needed to focus on myself and what I felt like was the perfect body.

Loving yourself takes time and a lot of patience. You don't just wake up one day and decide that you're okay with your body looking the way it does. That lingering thought of wondering if you look acceptable enough still haunts your mind and leads you right back down into the rabbit hole.

It took me many years to finally feel okay with how I looked and not feel the need to strive for what men found attractive. Even now I still felt insecure, but then I tell myself that I'm beautiful in my own unique way.

It also doesn't help that women put other women down for not looking a certain way. I saw too much body shaming going on in school and wished that it all would just end.

I remembered that Niall felt insecure as well for not having the fit body that every girl strives to find in a guy. I think that's what made me love him even more was knowing that he too had insecurities. I remember watching the way he tensed up when I first touched his stomach, my heart breaking at the thought of him feeling anything less than beautiful.

"Do you want to eat dinner with me before you go?" Harry asks, now sitting up with his hands resting on his knees.

I stifle a laugh as I look at his purple face and clothes, "How about we get cleaned up first and then we eat dinner."