When We Cross Our Stars

13- When We Wake Up

I was drowning. It was dark. I was all alone. Falling, into the endless abyss. And yet all I could think of was one thing.

I wasn't supposed to be here.

I knew it. Down in my heart that something was wrong. That I needed to stand up. Get out. But my strength failed me.

Then I heard a voice. Your voice. Calling. Pulling. Waking me up from my sleepless slumber.

'I got you.'

Just one statement made the difference. Because it proved to me that I finally found my place.

Right beside you.

⚜

Maybe it was because of the strong smell of Izal mixed with a lavender air freshener in the air, or it was the subtle beeping sound that rang in my eye. Or it was the heaviness and sense of sick familiarity, but i knew where I was even though I wasn't conscious.

"Ma'am we have given her some meds to calm her down but I am afraid it is more serious than we thought it was."

Somehow I was asleep but more awake than ever. It was like I was standing  with them in that room. Watching, listening. I felt my spirit levitate in the room. Like I was everywhere and nowhere. Or maybe it was just the meds creating my own illusion

"What is the problem biko?"

Aunty Nene? She was here! Suddenly I could see her, or imagine her face. Her worry, her fear. I knew what fear felt like but worry was still a strange emotion for me and even stranger that someone felt it on my behalf.

"So we checked her medical report and I would like to ask if she is going for any type of psychotherapy."

"Psycho-gini. Biko kwuo uche. Psycho what again? What is wrong with her that she will be doing psycho." 

I almost laughed even in my unconsciousness but I knew that tone very well. She was confused and afraid. She knew I had issues but I'm sure she never knew just how much. Some how I knew she would be regretting bringing me here now. Away with the problem child.

"Ma'am I know you are confused but everything is okay. Let's go to my office and talk."

I could feel my aunt's tension even before she spoke. It was like my sleep state gave me spidey senses and I could feel everything.

"Doctor Chika no vex o but anything you want to say abeg say it here."

"Are you sure ma?"

"1000 and 1 percent."

The silence in the room was very loud, I could almost hear their heartbeats .

"So I checked her medical records. Depression, anxiety, ptsd, sleep disorders, agitation, the list is very long and all this symptoms point to one thing."

For the first time I understood what the doctor was saying. I always underestimated Nigerian professionals because of the stereotype that nobody ever does anything right, so I never expected anyone to know. I never knew I would be exposed this way. At that minute I wanted to jump out of that bed. I couldn't let her tell that to Aunt Nene. The last person that showed any type of humane feelings towards me. If she said anything it would be over, and I would not be her lovely niece any more but dirty, rotten Chrise.