🌸❜ ρℓσƭ ˊˎ- ░ :
◌ After they lost an important match,
◌ Sakusa finds Atsumu drunk in a bar.
◌ He decides to carry him home and
◌ Atsumu, drunk as he is, says that
◌ he's in love with him. Sakusa tries
◌ to forget about...
We're alone, it's quiet and the moment seems to be pretty good. But my heart still feels like it's going to explode and I can't do anything to calm down. There's a weird feeling in my stomach, but not like the butterflys before, more like there's a fucking eagle in there, trying to escape. I think I'm gonna puke.
"Okay, and what?", Omi asks, still seeming to be confused, because I didn't use any of his weird nicknames. But I wanted him to know that I'm serious this time. I take a deep breath and I'm determined to tell him how I feel. Once in a lifetime I should listen to 'Samu and at least try to be honest concerning the eagle in my stomach.
"Well, I know yer a germaphobe and also I know ya hate most people, especially me. Yer always mean and I think nobody would ever be able to really like ya like I-"
"What is this supposed to be?", he interrupts me. 'Like I do', this is what I wanted to say. Now my whole body freezes and I feel like someone gave me a kick in the balls. "I need no reminder that I'm a germaphobe and that people think I'm a freak."
He looks pretty insulted and kinda pissed right now. Maybe I should've been choosing my words wiser.
"That was not what I wanted to say! It's just like I'm maybe the only person that'll ever like ya.", I say, thinking I said something fine at first. But then I repeat what I just said in my thoughts and I realise that this was so fucking dumb to say.
"Oh, I'm sorry for not being one of all these fake kind people like you are!", he says giving me a disgusted look. Please, stop looking at me like this. "You are one of these persons acting like they're kind, but everybody already noticed that you're fake as fuck. You feel like you're better than all the other people and always look down on them while you're pretending to be their friend."
"What the-? Why should I pretend to be yer fiend? There's no need to!", I say also being slightly insulted by his words. Maybe I'm not the kindest person in this world, but it's pretty harsh to call me fake and arrogant.
"No need to, huh? So you don't even need me? Why did you be nice then? Just wanted to have some fun playing with another of your puppets? Fuck off! I'm not one of your toys!"
Okay, that escalated quickly. I wanted to confess to him, but he behaves like I wanted to attack him. I've never seen him that angry and sensitive at the same time before. How could this happen? He's on his period or what's going on? I don't say anything but stand in front of him, trying to stay calm. But he seems to be not finished yet. Like he held a lot of stuff back all the time.
"You may think you're the greatest. You've got fangirls, you're good at volleyball, handsome, famous, having friends and all the stuff lots of people dream about. But what goes up has got to fall! You'll fall and trying to climb up to the top again, I would believe you to even trow your last amount of dignity away. Be honest, you'd do everything to get to the top. The selfish shit of you would even pretend to be friend with a germaphobe to gain even more admiration. Or are you just practicing some new strategies of manipulating people? You disgust me."
"Ya know what?" That's enough. He's got no fucking right to insult me like this. "Yer right. I just pretended to be friend with ya. Did ya really think I wanted to be friend with a freak like ya?"
What am I saying? That's not true! I'm lying, please notice it, Omi! I can't stop. Why can't I stop? Just shut up! That not what you think! But my mouth won't listen.
"Ya say I'm disgusting, but yer even more. Throwin' people away and call them dirty all the day. Feelin' like something better, huh Mr. Clean? I tried to be nice to ya, because there'll never be a person really likin' ya in yer whole life. A freak, a germaphobe, a person pretendin' to be disgusted by other people, but being the most disgusting person of them all."
I put on a gently smile.
"I hate you, Omi-Kun~!"
It's a lie! Why can't I just tell him the truth? Of course his words hurt, but I don't mean it, I swear! I still... God dammit, I love you, Kiyoomi! Please don't take it seriously! He turns around. Don't turn your back on me! Fuck!
"Okay, got it. For a moment I thought you're not the rat, everyone thinks you are. But you're worse.", he says, pretty quiet now. My chest hurts. I wanna cry for some reason. I totally fucked up.
"I- I'm goin' by bus.", is the last thing I say before I leave.
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A/N Thank you for 1K! Also I'm sorry for thischapter, but things were going too well.
