QUARANTINE - N.H.

eleven

Niall:

We kept on watching the show Liv put on and sometimes we would talk about it in between. After she finished the soup, she put the bowl down on the little coffee table in front of us. When she sat back down again, her phone went off. I heard her sigh and I chuckled. Liv looked at me and rolled her eyes: „Can't get a quiet minute for once. I'll be right back." With that, she got up and answered her phone. I think she went into her room to get some privacy. I took out my phone and answered some messages I got. After a few minutes I slowly got impatient and wondered who called Olivia at night and why they wanted to talk to her for so long. After five more minutes I got up and walked across the living room into the hallway where her bedroom was located. The door wasn't completely shut. I could hear Olivia breathing heavy and suddenly the feeling of nervousness rushed over me. I quietly knocked on her door three times and peeked through the door crack. I could see Olivia rubbing under her eyes quickly and with a shaky voice she said: "Come in..." I pushed the door open even further and I could finally get a good look of her. Her eyes were red and swollen. She definitely cried. She sat on her bed, her legs crossed over each other. "Olivia. What's wrong, love? Are you okay?", I immediately asked and walked towards her bed. When i finally reached her, I sat down on the side of it, putting my hand on her lower back and I slowly started caressing it, trying to soothe her.
I could see her eyes tearing up again and something deep inside me broke. Watching her cry was something I never wanted to see again. She didn't deserve to be sad. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I want you to know that you are safe with me. And whatever you will tell me is also safe with me. I won't tell anyone." I wanted Olivia to know that I was here for her. And that I cared.
It was crazy how important she became to me. I cared so much for her and I have only known her for a couple of weeks.
"That was my mom", she whispered. Her voice was weak and quiet and I almost didn't hear her. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to pressure her. She took a deep breath before she continued: "My father has the Corona Virus."

I chocked on my own breath. Liv told me about her dad and how he was somebody with a high infection risk. It never seemed so real up until now. I had to collect myself before I was able to say something: "I am so sorry, darling. Come here." I pulled her into a tight hug. She put her head in my neck and I felt her silently sobbing. I whispered sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down. After I placed a kiss on her head, she pulled away. "I just wish I was there with him. I mean, yeah, I am a doctor and I know what treatment is best for him, but besides all that, I'm still his daughter. I just feel like I let him down by not being with him", she cried out. I shook my head: "No, no. Stop telling yourself lies like that. Of course it would be nice if you could be there for him in LA. But look, first of all, I don't think he could ever be mad at you. You are here in London, saving god knows how many lives per week. And second of all, I am sure, he wouldn't like it for you to be there since you could get infected too. He is your dad. He wants to look out for you too." Olivia looked up into my eyes. Small tears were still rolling down her cheeks. I dried them gently with my thumb. She smiled weak. "Please don't cry. I can't stand seeing you like this", I whispered. I planted a few kisses on her cheeks until I heard her sweet giggles. "Niall", she laughed. I stopped kissing her cheeks and looked into her eyes. She looked a little happier again. "Thank you, Ni. I don't know how much you already helped me during quarantine", Liv smiled.
I smiled back and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Half an hour later we were laying in her bed. Olivia's head rested on my chest, while I had my arm around her. She asked me if I could stay with her tonight and I obviously said yes. "Tell me something about yourself, Niall. I mean, I know you grew up in Ireland. And I know a little bit about your family. But, I wanna know more", she said after we just laid there for a while. I smiled: "Well yeah. In case you haven't noticed yet, I am Irish. And I am proud of that-" Her laugh interrupted me and I smiled down at her. "- I was never really popular or anything while I was in school. I always was the guy with the guitar. Actually, my first guitar was my brothers. He got it for Christmas but then rarely used it so one day I just took it and started to learn how to play it. And as you can see, my guitar is never further than like 10 meters away from me." Liv's body vibrated as another laugh shook her. She was so beautiful and she had the cutest laugh ever.

I was falling. hard. I was always falling too hard. And too fast.

"What happened then?", Liv interrupted my thoughts. "Well- uh. I applied for X-Factor. I was devastated when they wanted to kick me out.  But well, then One Direction happened. And we were all devastated again when we didn't win. But at that moment we forgot that technically we already won. We recorded our first album, went on tour. For almost 5 years straight. I was 16 when it all started. I was a kid. But I had the time of my life. I enjoyed it so much. I was doing what I loved the most and I was doing it together with 4 of my best friends. There was nothing in the world I would have traded that life for. It wasn't the typical teenager life, but it was still so unbelievably beautiful." We laid in silent for a few moments before Liv spoke up: "Do you miss it?" I sighed and closed my eyes. "I miss it every day. But the break was needed. We were so overworked and we never stood still for 5 years. We needed this break. But now... I want to get all of it back. I'm older now. I know how to handle it better now you know?" She nodded.
"Actually I meant if you miss having a normal teenager life. I don't want to say regret, because that's such a big word, but did you ever think about how your life would be if you lived it like every other teenager?" She turned her head, so she would face me. I looked up to the sealing.
I tried to put my thoughts into words.
"God, I have asked myself that question so many times. I got homesick a lot. Especially when I was younger. I even wrote a song about it. Sometimes, when everything just became too much, I wanted to be normal and like everyone else. I thought how cool it would be to just have a normal job", I explained. I took a deep breath before I continued: "But then the next night we would play in front of thousand and thousands of people and they would cheer when they hear me singing and then every bad thought and every doubt was gone. God, I love music."
I just told her my biggest doubts in the past years and I feel so good I could finally talk to someone about it who is not directly in the music business. And even though she wasn't, or maybe that was exactly why I felt like she understood me. "Niall?", she whispered. "What's up, love?"
"I am so damn proud of you. For everything you have accomplished. You did everything right and I am so glad we've met. You already became such a big part of my life. My closest friends all live in LA and when I need someone to talk to, they aren't always available. But you are. And you are so great. The passion you have for music is insane and I love the way you talk about music."

Wow. Her words made me emotional. I pulled her even tighter towards me. I had to swallow, so I wouldn't start crying because of her. "Thank you Liv. Thank you so much", I whispered.