The Adjacent Room [h.s]

Chapter 16

His face instantly flashes with panic. I realise I may have made my question sound slightly more serious than it is, especially after everything that has happened since last night. Although I'm not so worried about it anymore, I can't give everything to Harry unless I know.

'Umm..sorry..it's not that serious. It's just been on my mind since the other night and I trust you but I nee..'

'It's okay. Ask me.' Harry cuts me off, smiling. As usual, Harry calms my ramble of thoughts. I know in my heart that what Harry said last night is true, but you can love two people, can't you? If his tears during Fine Line the other night were for Camille, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to know.

'It's just that during the first show here when you sang Fine Line..you cried..' As soon as the words are out and I see Harry's face, I regret it. I can tell how much pain this memory brings for him, and I'm so sick of us only bringing pain to the other. But I need to ask this, for myself. I just want to love him, and it feels like there are so many obstacles we have to overcome.

'..and I guess..I don't know who that song is about, but I know people think it's about Camille. Did you cry during it because of her? Because you still love her?' I feel clingy and insecure for even asking, but I can't not know. I don't want to look at Harry while I ask because I'm so embarrassed to even be doing it, so I reach to touch the butterfly on his stomach and focus on that. This tattoo is by far my favourite, and it's positioning is so appealing. The shading in some areas is actually a lot darker than I thought, and I force my eyes to pull away when I hear Harry start talking.

'Camille? No it's not.' He says, clearly confused at my question.

'Oh.' He seems so taken back by my question that I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

'It's about you..Fine Line is about you. Every lyric is about you.' He holds my face in his hands and lifts it so my eyes meet his. Is it really all about me? Was he crying about me during a show? He drops his hands and continues.

'I wrote it after the..breakup. She finally ended it because she felt like I was closed off from her. I kept telling..I told her all the time that she was wrong, but she was right and we both knew it. I didn't really have it in me to open up to her when I didn't have everything to give to her in the first place, because you already had a lot of me. And then..I wrote that song.'

'Is it really about me?' I ask, even though he just said it is. It feels like this can't be real, and I have to be certain. My eyes are glossy and the sun is starting to set, and the whole picture of Harry and the sunset is quite beautiful.

'Yeah it is. Every word. I didn't cry for her. I felt so lost when I wrote the song and..I guess, well I don't know. I was just lost and pushing it down and it all came up on stage. The song..do you know what it means?'

'No..well, I heard what you said on stage but I was..crying when I watched it and I didn't really understand.' I might as well admit I was crying, especially after Harry has been so raw with me.

'You cried?'

'Yeah..I thought it was for Camille and I could tell you were in pain and I was just sitting in a taxi and watching this video of you crying and there was nothing I could do. Oh..I left the show..if you didn't know. I'm really sorry. It was because..it doesn't matter. It was because I hated the way I couldn't stop how I feeI about you. And yeah..I was in this taxi and I felt like I could feel your pain, even though I didn't know why you were in pain.' I say. His face is twisted in hurt, and I'm getting so tired of these conversations that just leave us both crying. I can tell there are thoughts swirling in his head, and I would give anything to know what they are.