What If

Tell Me

Ilhoon's POV

"Can we talk?"

He is standing there, stares at me deeply. His eyes could not hide the pain he felt. The thing that I've been trying to ignore all this time. What now? What does he want?

Honestly, just look at that sad and hurtful eyes makes me in pain. But why does he have to look at me like that? Why does he always look like the most hurt one?

I can feel my body start shaking but I have to endure it. Things that always happen whenever we're alone in one room. I have to be strong. As usual. As what he has said five years ago.

"I'm tired. We can talk tomorrow."

"No, we can't"

Huh? What is it about? He suddenly wants to talk so bad after avoiding me for five years?

"Sungjae-ya."

"I can't hold it anymore. At least listen to me," he said, slightly rising his tone.

"I don't know what you want but lower your voice, please. You can make the others misunderstand."

He closed his eyes while trying to catch his breath. Should I approach him and hug him? Oh of course not, I don't think that's a good idea.

"I know it's too late now. But I think there's so much think we need to clear up."

Oh here we go. Is he trying to call back all the memories now? Here? Right after the party? I don't understand him and I never will.

"About what?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I don't understand what are you talking about," I tried to say it coldly. "We haven't talk about anything but work for years and suddenly you want to talk so bad in the middle of the night. So, what is it about, Yook Sungjae?"

"I miss you."

Damn. What did he just say? He misses me? After all this time? After making me look like a fool who is always longing and waiting for him? He must be kidding me.

"Are you drunk or what?"

"I'm not."

"We meet almost every day. We just spent time together. I'm even in front of you now. What do you have to miss?"

'You know that's not what I am talking about."

"So what was that? Did I miss something?"

"I miss you. I miss us."

"Us?"

"Yes. Us."

What now? What is he trying to say after all these years? I thought he has left everything behind since all the rumor about him and that girl back then.

"What do you mean? What happen with us?" I'm still trying to answer it as flat as possible.

"Hyung," he replied in a tone full of pain. Why? Why did he have to put on a face like that? Am I not the one who should feel uncomfortable with this situation?

"Look, I'm tired and I have no time to talk about anything. You better go."

"Not until you listen to me. I've hold it for so long and I can't do it anymore. Please stop avoiding me."

"Me? Avoiding you? Are you insane? Weren't you the one who ignore me at the first place?"

"I didn't ignore you."

"Oh, you didn't? You just act like nothing happen in front of fans and camera, then you don't even want to look at me when the camera off. Still want to say that you didn't ignore me?"