What If

Love Drunk

Sungjae's POV

He was my angel.

Oh, he still is.

But I guess he is no longer mine, since there's someone else that hold his hand now.

They are holding hand, singing the encore together with our Melodies. I can see how happy they are after all that hard work and struggle that we have been through together. I wish I can feel the same.

And suddenly I feel like time moving slower.

The confetti.

The light stages.

The slow blue ocean.

Everything moving in slow motion when I see them laughing and enjoying our encore stage together. His smile, his laugh, his sparkling eyes, those are used to be mine. But now he has given it all to another guy. If only that guy is not one of important person in my life, I might punch him now for touching and stealing my one and only angel.

"Hey, man. Is everything okay?"

Suddenly I feel a big warm arm embrace my shoulder. He seems worry. Is my bitterness too obvious?

"Yeah, Peniel Hyung. Just a little bit emotional. You know. This is our dream concert after 10 years," I said and forced a smile. Trying my best not to look bitter meanwhile those two lovebirds still running around while joking and hugging each other.

"Yeah. It also because of your hard work, Sungjae-ya. We really thankful for that. Your hard work has made our group more widely known."

Again. I can only force a smile.

Of course I'm grateful that our hard work can help BTOB walk to another stage. However, that doesn't mean I did not sacrifice anything. The fame and spotlight that I've got, on the one hand made us more widely known, while on the other hand made me have to let go the only thing that was most precious to me.

Him.

They call me the magnet of the group. They say I have an appeal that makes everyone want to know BTOB deeper. Yes. I can attract everyone. Except him.

God I really want to grab and hug him tight now. But that won't be good. Since we both know he's already someone else's baby.

So I try my best to play along. I sing my part, try to interact with Melody and act silly as usual. I even tease Changsub hyung and kiss his cheek in front of everyone, giving the show that they were all waiting for.

Come on, Sungjae. You can do it. We've been deal with this situation for at least 5 years. All you need to do is just act like usual and endure this pain over and over again. You are one of the best Korean actors, aren't you?

Everything is fine. I can forget that mini heartache in my chest for a moment. Until suddenly I fell a hand gently stroke my back.

That little hand.

The hand that I really want to hold.

I look at the owner who now smiles warmly at me. His gaze is still the same, still as warm and sweet as before. The tightness in my chest that I had forgotten suddenly get back, makes me almost choke because it's hard to breathe.

He suddenly hugs me. Making everyone scream hysterically because this is one of the moments they've been waiting for after all this time we rarely interacted in front of fans. I froze for a moment, before finally raising my hands to hug him back.

The last time we did it was two years ago, when he sent me to the military.

Like the last time, he said nothing. Just gently rubbing my back. The difference is, if two years ago I released the hug first, this time he ends it first. Then, without saying anything, he let go of me and left. Leaving me who was still trying to process what had just happened.