The Secret Muse (#1)

Chapter 43

It was too early. How can this be? As I lay on the bed, I can already feel him wanting to go out of this world. As much as I want to, it is too early. The pain is excruciating, it's as if I'm being split open in half.

I couldn't help but scream in pain. Lucrezia stayed in the room along with the midwife. She's pacing in the room as I continue to push.

With every push, Giuliano's face comes to my mind. His charming smile, those dark intent eyes, and his curly dark hair. What I'd give to have him by my side at this very moment. I no longer notice how long has it been since I started to feel labour pains, and when I started pushing him out but when I heard him cry I felt a mixture of relief, happiness, and numbness.

"It's a boy!" The midwife said. I reach out to hold him but Lucrezia took the baby in her arms first.

"Please, let me see him," I said in a tired voice, my arms still outstretched towards him. However, Lucrezia looked at me with disdain and vitriol. She smirks and then left the room without uttering a single word.

I try to get up to follow them but the midwife has kept me down on the bed. "Please, Madonna. You must rest."

"No! I need to see my son!" I screamed. No matter how loud, or how hard I fought, Lucrezia has taken my son away from me and he's too far to reach. I can still hear his faint cry, loud in my heart.

As soon as I woke up the next day, a chambermaid told me that I must leave the palazzo immediately. I implored to see my son but the palazzo was empty. "Madonna. They all have left this morning. Messer Lorenzo travelled to Naples."

Brokenhearted and utterly hopeless, I dropped to my knees as I weep from heartache.

I should have known. Now that Florence is at war with the Holy See and the king of Naples, Lorenzo willingly surrendered himself as a prisoner. The whole city is now under interdict. All churches are closed to the citizens of this city-state. The cupola and the church of Ognissanti remain their door closed, and so is my haven.

In my weakened state, I can only walk so slow. I have to lean on every wall in order to balance myself and be able to move. My knees buckled, dropping me to the floor. I groan in the sudden rush of pain upon hitting the ground as I run my hands over the cut on my side.

Even after a month since that fateful day, I can still remember it vividly as if it were only yesterday. I lost Giuliano despite trying everything I could think of and now I lost my son too.

I was deprived of even the slightest sight of him. Is this my punishment for everything that I had done? For coming back in time and for messing with history?

I have lost so much already, I have no more to give.

1938, London

Dad has yet to respond to my calls. I want to tell him the news, I want to tell him he is going to be a grandfather. Is his objection far greater than the love he has for me? My belly is yet to swell, but I can feel my baby growing inside me and no one knew of my condition, no one to share it with.

In my loneliness, I decided to finally write to Alec about the news. He needs to know, war, or not. With a cold and nervous hand, I started to write my letter to my beloved husband. Ready to deliver the letter, I head outside, lock the door behind me and walk towards the post office.

While walking, I have a feeling of being followed. I suddenly feel scared for myself. I try to discreetly look over my shoulder and saw a handful of teenage boys following me around but I decided to simply continue my way towards the post office.