Back To The Days I'm Into You (On-hold)

Chapter 4

Where the heck would I start in saving myself?

Hindi ako nakasagot sa sarli kong tanong na yan. Iaapply ko ba sa sarili ko muna yung self-love?

Ititigil ko na ba muna ang ginagawa kong pananakit sa sarili ko? Kasi gising na kong sobrang sakit na.

Kaso hindi eh, everytime kasama ko si Kairo sobrang sakit na nun eh pero mas pinipili ko pa ding masaktan, kaya hindi pwedeng dito ako mag-umpisa. Hindi ko kaya. (ToT)

However, sasayangin ko pa rin ba yung luha ko sa isang taong nagsasayang lang din ng luha sa iba? We're all hurting ourselves in the process of loving someone. And it's no longer healthy anymore. I should put an end to this. And I think this is where I should start.

After our conversation goes over the telephone, I'm crying silently kasi sobrang sakit na papa ng ginagawa ko sa sarili ko, sobrang sakit ng magpakatanga. Nabanggit ko before it takes time, maybe this is that 'time'.

"Thara uy. Are you alright? "

I came back to my senses when Kairo tap me lightly.

"Uh? Yeah. I'm fine. I will be fine."

"Really? You look unwell." Dinama nya pa yung noo ko tas leeg ko na agad ko din iniwas. " You seems about to cry, is there something bothering you?"

Stop being like this Kairo. Enough with your sweet gestures, stop acting concern, enough with your kindness, baka mamisunderstood ko pa mas lalo akong nahihirapan eh.

"Kairo"

I stop in front of him which made him stop in his feet. I seriously look at him straight in the eyes.

Let's see Cairo, let's see if you really can read my mind.

Sinalubong nya yung titig ko, tas maya maya pa, nagsalita sya.

"What are you going to say?"

Nakss. Bingo.

"You know Thara, I can read your mind, but I can't read your heart and I'm afraid I don't want to."

Dang! Cold ice seems poured over my whole body when I hear that.

"Why don't you feel it then?"

"I won't. Thara, wag ka naman masyadong seryoso, pinapakaba mo ako eh"

But I ignored his joking, "Why?"

He seriously then stand firm. "Cause I know you're not into me, and I'm not into you as well."

'What do you know? My mind reply but my mouth never uttered a word.

"Look Thara, " He held both my shoulders, meet my gaze and speak the harsh truth. " You confessed you like Winz right? and you know I love Naiza. We're good about that right? But, I would love to stay like that. I don't want to hurt you since I can't like you back. You're important to me 'cause you're my bestfriend. "

" So all this time, alam mo?"

"I can sense it but I don't believe it. I love somebo—"

I cut him off. "Kung nasesense mo dati pa, bat di mo nerespeto? Bakit hinayaan mong lalo akong mahulog sayo? Kung itinuturing mo kong importante sayo, bakit sa dinami dami ng kaibigan mo, bakit ako pa nilapitan mo?"

May ilang butil ng luha ng naguunahang dumaloy, ngunit agad ko din itong winaksi. Dammit! Sakit pala pag komprontahan na.

"You should keep your distance away from me if you sense it and you only see me as damn 'bestfriend' Kai. Para hindi na sana humantong sa ganto"