"With fame and money comes a lot of things, but your fallen hair is not one of them." - Sun Tzu probably.
Ernest Michaelson is your average middle-aged man. Launching a successful career in game theory and revered as the man who overthrew Skynet in...
Chad fixes him with his own look of mortification which Ernest ignores, but Karen does not. She walks over to him and kicks him in the nuts, leaving him writhing on the floor.
Before she walks away, she notices a piece of paper sticking out of Chad's pocket. She reaches down and tugs it out. It had the paper quality of an exam sheet and had some quite cringe- worthy phrases on it, but Karen was able to understand that the flyer was advertising some kind of band.
But the weirdest part was, the venue appeared to mention.... their own backyard??
"Chad what in the good lord's name is this?" Karen questions in stupefaction. Chad shrugs awkwardly, shoves his (orange-free) hands into his pockets and begins whistling quite terribly.
He then proceeds to walk out of the kitchen and the disappears behind a marble pillar. They hear a loud crash followed by a feeble, "I'm okay!"
Ernest grabs an empty cardboard box and heads down to the basement where he finds Chad squatting next to a mini fridge.
"You can stay here now, if you want, bro." Ernest offers. Chad's eyes widen and he nods in appreciation before getting hit by a cardboard box in the face, "Thank you, bro." he says emotionally.
Ernest smiles at him and says, "So, when's that band concert thing?"
Karen isn't the greatest mother, but she tries, she really does. She tries to give her love and affection to her children by buying their way through high school and other cool mom things that you probably wouldn't understand.
Why her husband was being so calm about the whole Chad situation was a total mystery to her, but she was positive her children wouldn't react the same way. She decides to wait for them to arrive home from school as she watches her husband get dressed into some really terrible looking T-shirt with a boy/man's face on it.
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Karen scrunches her face in disdain. She contemplates hanging herself on their porch before the door swings open and an odd trio walks in. Tiffany gushes over some strange videos she had on her phone, Chelsea had a fucking syringe buried in her arm while clutching a feather pen dripping blood in her other hand. River trailed behind them tiredly, shirtless for whatever reason and holding Chelsea's flopped blood love letter drafts.
Karen wanted to be nice. But the first thing that comes out of her mouth was, "River, go to your room and put on a shirt right now. Do you want the neighbors to think I don't buy you any clothes?"
River groans and nods in reply and turns to jog up the stairs before he notices his father prepping for a concert dressed in something 12 year old girls would be ashamed to even look at.
"Hey Dad, are you going to that concert thing too? In our backyard?" River asks, surprised.
"Yeah! And I've made some merch using our 3D printer!" Ernest replies, "Do you want some too? A shirt would help."
"Help what?" River says as Karen is chastising Chelsea about how it isn't healthy to extract one's own blood in this unsanitary manner and offers to sanitize her syringe while Tiffany effusively rants about the football team's abs or something.
"MOM! River is bringing over a girl for that garden concert!" Tiffany randomly yells. Karen looks exasperated.
"And she's bringing Taylor." River smirks. "Later." he jumps out of window and runs away, the distant screams of Chelsea finding a naked man in a cardboard box in the basement echoing.
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a/n: do you also happen to own Louis VittoManhattan Richelieu men's shoes as well? if so, comment down below! like! subscribe! pls let me pay my rent i have a cancer :^)
