Breathing and Grasping (Ben Bruce)

Chapter 1

Yawning, I hide my large mouth behind my little hand. Scanning the post-hardcore CD section, I placed some albums into the correct slots. I hate it when things are labelled wrong. Sighing, I replaced the label before wandering slowly back to the counter. This shop I work at was small, cheap, smells strange like old books and overall not that popular. But for me, it was a job. It paid the bills. I live in a rented apartment in a small town near York; I am originally from London though. How I miss the 'Big City'. Towering buildings that made the inhabitants feel like ants, the constant rush of traffic, the safety of people at every hour. I love cities but they are expensive. Too expensive for me. Failing my dream to become a photographer, I moved to York to go to University as well as to escape the clutches of my  ex-boyfriend. Within the first four months I dropped out of University, it wasn't for me.

Only three people work here in this store, myself included. Glancing down my outlift, I straightened out my Slipknot tanktop that was underneath my oversized checkered shirt and ensured my black ripped skinny jeans still looked okay. I have always been rather self-conscious about the way I look but then again, I think most people are to a certain extent.

"E-excuse me? Do you sell old rock vinyls?" A male voice spoke. His brown hair was longish for a lad and slightly messy; it was fashioned around his face while he was dressed in a The Doors tee with a leather jacket on top. Clearly a decent taste in music. I like to play The Doors or The Smiths when I'm working as it is calming. Usually, I am in charge of the background music.

"Yeah we do. They're round other side. Nobody ever buys them anymore" I responded, politely smiling. "I'll take you to them".

"Thanks" mumbled the boy, "so you like Slipknot?" He questioned, nodding towards my clothing.

"Yeah" I replied, slightly taken aback by the fact that he is trying to make a conversation with me.

"Cool, I do too". I already figured we'd have a similar taste in music by the way he was dressed; ripped skinnies, band tops, leather jackets. "Wow... I love looking at old vinyls" He stated, nibbling his snakebites as he browsed. 

"I don't collect but I enjoy spending my breaks in here looking through them".

"I've got a record player but don't have anything to listen to" he half-laughed.

"Hopefully you'll find something here" I smiled, remembering I was at work attempting to make a sale. Due to this shop being less-popular than places like HMV and Itunes, if the store does not make enough profit, we do not get paid.

"KISS and Motley Cruë, awesome!" Exclaimed the customer.

"Great bands" I grinned with my favourite type of music being 80s rock. If I had a record player, I probably would have bought them myself.

"So what's yer name, beautiful?" That last word made me cringe. I'm not any shape or form 'beautiful'. Besides, I'm at work. Always stay professional; learned that the hard way!

"Jamie." I said. He smirked, "Before you say it, I know it's a boy's name. I got bullied for it throughout my life. I don't care if you laugh or make some snotty remark to me about it. I did. I did care. But now I don't." The boy seemed a little taken back.

"I like it. It's" he paused for a moment before flashing that toothy smile again, "different. I'm Ben. The best name in the world... Obviously". I chuckled at his remarks. "Well Jamie", Ben spoke after a couple of moments, "I'm gonna buy these".

"Okay, I'll ring them through for you". Wandering back through the store, I noticed that the clock on the wall was telling me it was almost home time - the best time of the day. I smiled to myself.

"So Jamie, you doing anything tonight?" Ben asked, biting his lip where his snakebites are. I have always thought they are the best piercings. I want them but I know I wouldn't suit them. I raised one eyebrow. "would you like to go for a drink with me?"

"I-I can't tonight". I lied.

"Pleaseeee" begged Ben, his puppy eyes shining in the artificial light.

"Sorry Ben".

"Oh, okay" he sighed, grabbing the carrier bag that had his new purchases in. "Maybe some other time" breathed Ben before backing out the shop, shooting me a smile first.

Although he was cute, who am I kidding, sexy, I do not think I'm ready for a relationship. Not what after George, my ex, did. I'm not sure if I can even be in a serious relationship again. However, Ben may have just being asking as a friend. God, why do I always fuck things up?